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Some people think that children who spend a lot of time reading children’s story books are wasting their time which could be better used doing other more useful activities. What extent do you agree ?

Some people think that children who spend a lot of time reading children’s story books are wasting their time which could be better used doing other more useful activities. What extent do you agree? AVee
In 24 hours per day, children can have so many activities which balance learning and entertainment, however, some people firmly believe that children consume a bunch of time reading storybooks is not an effective method equal performing worthy activities. From my perspective, reading is a valuable thing which is very beneficial for the development of children. Reading is the main skill for concentrated ability. In this day and age, we are living in the technology era, which is well-known attached to an expeditious lifestyle. Access to technology devices such as smartphone or laptop seemed to be an effective thing, however, there was plenty of researches in the past demonstrate it led to distracting easily. For children, the reading skill is not strong enough to read academic newspapers or magazine.
In 24 hours per day, children can have
so
many
activities which balance learning and entertainment,
however
,
some
people
firmly
believe that children consume a bunch of time reading storybooks is not an effective method equal performing worthy activities. From my perspective, reading is a valuable thing which is
very
beneficial for the development of children.

Reading is the main
skill
for concentrated ability. In this day and age, we are living in the technology era, which is well-known attached to an expeditious lifestyle. Access to technology devices such as smartphone or laptop seemed to be an effective thing,
however
, there was
plenty
of researches in the past demonstrate it led to distracting
easily
. For children, the reading
skill
is not strong
enough
to read academic newspapers or magazine.
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IELTS essay Some people think that children who spend a lot of time reading children’s story books are wasting their time which could be better used doing other more useful activities. What extent do you agree?

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
129 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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