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Some people think that children should be taught to be competitive in school. Others, however, say that cooperation and team working skills are more important.

Some people think that children should be taught to be competitive in school. Others, however, say that cooperation and team working skills are more important. RKbW
According to a variety of studies, children who learn to compete against one another do better in school. In other words, student competition motivates them to succeed in their studies or activities, resulting in increased academic success and outcomes. Furthermore, it is generally believed that children must develop these skills in order to excel later in life as they must compete against others in the job market.
According to a variety of studies, children who learn to compete against one another do better in school.
In other words
, student competition motivates them to succeed in their studies or activities, resulting in increased academic success and outcomes.
Furthermore
, it is
generally
believed that children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
develop these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in order to excel later in life as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
compete against others in the job market.

IELTS essay Some people think that children should be taught to be competitive in school. Others, however, say that cooperation and team working skills are more important.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
67 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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