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Some people think that all university students should study whatever they like. Others believe that they should only be allowed to study subjects that will be useful, such as those related to science and technology

While some individual believe that in every educational institution students be allowed to choose subject whatever they want to study, others, think that they should only be permitted to study science and technology subject that will develop their future. There are arguments on both sides of this very topical debate, and I will discuss them now. On the one hand, opponents of the alternative subjects at university assume that students in such conditions would not be mature. This means, if they only educated in particular subjects, it might be problem with their daily life in the future. For example, they could not help to their children with homework, because of they did not gain a knowledge from random subject. However, students who studied subject which related to science and technology will be common people for society, as they have a knowledge about many sphere. Finally, they able to do many activities which might be useful for country development. On the other hand, people who against to the compulsory education say that students who are taught with many themes often not well educated and in the future it might be troubles with job finding. Because studying in all subjects is mentally hard and consequently student could not be ready with his chosen profession after graduation. While students who choose particular subjects usually will be very good at their sphere and they are sought by employers every time. Finally, doing a job in which you are the best is essential side in this globalization. In conclusion, my own opinion is that students who are provided with wide range of choices in their schooling is the best technique of education, since it is really helpful for country development. Of course, this is provided if they are managed carefully and it requires huge amount of specialist to balance all spheres.
While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Did you mean “individuals”?
individual
believe that in every educational institution
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to choose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
whatever they want to study, others,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that they should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be permitted
to study science and technology
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
that will develop their future. There are arguments on both sides of this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
topical debate, and I will discuss them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.

On the one hand, opponents of the alternative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
at university assume that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in such conditions would not be mature. This means, if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
educated
in particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, it might be problem with their daily life in the future.
For example
, they could not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to their children with homework,
Probable usage error. Use “because they” instead.
because of they
did not gain
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply “knowledge”.
a knowledge
from random
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
studied
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
which related to science and technology will be common
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
for society, as they have a knowledge about
Possible agreement error. The noun sphere seems to be countable; consider using: “many spheres”.
many sphere
.
Finally
,
Did you mean “they are” or “they were”?
they
able to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
activities which might be useful for country development.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
against to the compulsory education say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are taught
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
themes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
not
This word is normally spelled with a hyphen.
well educated
and in the future it might be troubles with job finding.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
studying in all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
is mentally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and
consequently
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
could not be ready with his chosen profession after graduation. While
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
choose particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
usually
will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at their
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
sphere and
they
are sought
by employers every time.
Finally
, doing a job in which you are the best is essential side in this globalization.

In conclusion
, my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
opinion is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are provided
with wide range of choices in their schooling is the best technique of education, since it is
really
helpful for country development.
Of course
, this
is provided
if they
are managed
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
carefully and
it requires huge amount of specialist to balance all spheres.
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IELTS essay Some people think that all university students should study whatever they like. Others believe that they should only be allowed to study subjects that will be useful, such as those related to science and technology

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
306 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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