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Do you agree or disagree ? Some people think that all teenagers should be required to do unpaid work in their free time to help the local community. They believe this would benefit both the individual teenager and society as a whole .

Some people think that all teenagers should be required to do unpaid work in their free time to help the local community. They believe this would benefit both the individual teenager and society as a whole. Dlook
Opinions are divided as to whether or not numerous young people should assist the local community with working without payment for their leisure time. it is believed that This trend can be beneficial for individuals and societies. I disagree with this statement due to the fact that they ought to give priority to studying more than being engaged in other things and it will be analyzed in the further essay. There are several reasons not to be forced to get a job that does not have payment. Firstly, they need to be given more encouragement to focus effort on making progress than being attracted to unpaid works in society. It is considered a vital element because they are the young generation. That is why they need to prioritize higher education. As a result, they can accompany the development of their homeland. Secondly, hard work in a society can be detrimental to the health of young souls because they are not physically powerful enough at school age. As an example, one of my classmates always assisted in looking after the gardens, and consequently, this took a toll on his health. He is still suffering from this. Moreover, any unpaid job cannot encourage children to try hard as this is not profitable for their families and themselves. That is why this may not lead to the common good. For example, in my country, all pupils were sent to pick cotton every fall. But, several children were able to meet the limit set in the cotton harvest. The government ruled at last that school children must not be involved in public affairs. In conclusion, although the majority of people believe that children should help in their spare time to do community works, I do not agree with this. Since, neither the individual child nor the public can benefit from this. That is why they should concentrate more on their studies, not participate in unpaid works.
Opinions
are divided
Wordiness: Consider shortening this phrase.
as to whether or not
numerous young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should assist the local community with working without payment for their leisure time.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
it
is believed
that This trend can be beneficial for individuals and societies. I disagree with this statement due to the fact that they ought to give priority to studying more than
being engaged
in other things and it will
be analyzed
in the
further
essay.

There are several reasons not to
be forced
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a job that does not have payment.
Firstly
, they need to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
more encouragement to focus effort on making progress than
being attracted
to unpaid works in society. It
is considered
a vital element
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are the young generation.
That is
why they need to prioritize higher education.
As a result
, they can accompany the development of their homeland.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in a society can be detrimental to the health of young souls
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are not
physically
powerful
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
at school age. As an example, one of my classmates always assisted in looking after the gardens, and
consequently
, this took a toll on his health. He is
still
suffering from this.

Moreover
, any unpaid job cannot encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to try
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
as this is not profitable for their families and themselves.
That is
why this may not lead to the common
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
.
For example
, in my country, all pupils were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
to pick cotton every fall.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
were able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the limit set in the cotton harvest. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
ruled at last that school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
not
be involved
in public affairs.

In conclusion
, although the majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in their spare time to do community works, I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this. Since, neither the individual child nor the public can benefit from this.
That is
why they should concentrate more on their studies, not participate in unpaid works.

IELTS essay Some people think that all teenagers should be required to do unpaid work in their free time to help the local community. They believe this would benefit both the individual teenager and society as a whole.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
322 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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