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Some people think that a sense of competition should be encouraged in children. Others believe that students who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful in life. Discuss both this views and give your opinion.

In this modern Era the competition among human has immensely increased. However, the evolution in the technology has directly or directly affected this competition. Nowadays people try to encourage students or children for developing a sense of competition which can be helpful in tackling various obstacles in the life. But a group of people think co-operation can be much beneficial for the children in comparison to competition. . Every system in the world is equivalent to a coin which has two sides. Both the sides consist of positive as well as negative outcomes. Similar case is with the competition. Encouraging a sense of competition can have merits as well as demerits. There are many situations in life which are faced by everyone in which we have to think of ourselves. And at that time developing a sense of competition is much beneficial. Nowadays as such the population is increasing at a very high pace. However, getting a relevant job is not easy and as a result developing sense of competition at that moment can help you in getting a prominent job. Despite of having great advantages there are disadvantages which cannot be ignored. Co-operation plays a vital role in every individual's life. There are many of the activities which involves co-operation of everyone for achieving fruitful result. But if a person thinks of his personal benefits or develops a sense of competition towards the team members. As a result, there can be detriment effect not only on that individual person but also on the people who are working with him. To conclude, I will pen down by saying that encouraging sense of competition is not at all a wrong act. But encouraging it at a relevant place can be profitable. Along with competition children should be taught regarding co-operation. And guidance should be given for facing problematic situations in the life through co-operation.
In this modern Era the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
among human has
immensely
increased.
However
, the evolution in the technology has
directly
or
directly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
. Nowadays
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
try to encourage students or children for developing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sense
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
which can be helpful in tackling various obstacles in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
a group of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
co-operation can be much beneficial for the children
in comparison
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
.
Don’t put a space before the full stop.
.


Every system in the world is equivalent to a coin which has two sides. Both the sides consist of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
Probable usage error. Use “and” after ‘both’.
as well as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
outcomes. Similar case is with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
. Encouraging a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sense
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
can have merits
as well
as demerits. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
situations in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
which
are faced
by everyone in which we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
of ourselves. And at that time developing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sense
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
is much beneficial. Nowadays as such the population is increasing at a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
high pace.
However
, getting a relevant job is not easy and
as a result
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sense
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
at that moment can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
you in getting a prominent job.

Did you mean “Despite” (or, alternatively, ‘in spite of’)?
Despite of
having great advantages there are disadvantages which cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
. Co-operation plays a vital role in every individual's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of the activities which involves co-operation of everyone for achieving fruitful result.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
if a person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
of his personal benefits or develops a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sense
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
towards the team members.
As a result
, there can be detriment effect not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on that individual person
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are working with him.

To conclude
, I will pen down by saying that encouraging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sense
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
is not at all a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
act.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
encouraging it at a relevant place can be profitable. Along with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
children should
be taught
regarding co-operation. And guidance should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
for facing problematic situations in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
through co-operation.
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IELTS essay Some people think that a sense of competition should be encouraged in children. Others believe that students who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful in life.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
313 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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