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Agrowing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health system to deal with the health problems. Some people believe that providing curriculum to deal with problems by providing lesson in curriculum.

An increasing number of overweight individuals is putting a strain on the health care system in order to mitigate these issue. Certain people argue that providing curriculum in school to deal with the problem. This essay agree that insert lessons in curriculum of school because this suggestion would be benefit people health in general, and it would have a positive impact on the shape of their body. There is some truth in the argument that providing section of health in curriculum can be helpful students to be more care about their health and they might be fit. However, I think the lessons would be about kind of healthy food and cardio exercies. This is because many food are cause of obesity, but exercies are also the cause. I think, unless people should know about this issue earlr in the school throght the lesson, individual might face heavy problems in the future. This means that, although exist asustance provide energy to the body, there is also a food which contain of alot of fat, which is the main cause of obesity. Moreover, Another reason why I believe that teaching about obesity in curriculum of school is that lake of walking. The majority of individuals are sedentary, for they watch tv for along hours. Thus, people becoming overweight. This is because they don't care about size of the problem, and it is effect. For instance, according to a recent report by the Guardian newspaper shown that in the USA there have been an increase in the amount of adolescent obesity, which was the result of many years. In conclusion, despite there are people who feel that curriculum don't need additional like heath section, I do not agree, as this would be a beneficial step and it could be a healthy community empty from disease.
An increasing number of overweight individuals is putting a strain on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care system in order to mitigate these issue. Certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
curriculum
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
to deal with the problem. This essay
Possible agreement error - use third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: “agrees”.
agree
that insert lessons in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
curriculum
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this suggestion would be benefit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
in general
, and it would have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on the shape of their body.

There is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
truth in the argument that providing section of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
curriculum
can be helpful students to be more care about their
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
health and
they might
be fit
.
However
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the lessons would be about kind of healthy food and cardio
Possible spelling mistake found.
exercies
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
Use “much” or “little” with uncountable nouns.
many
food are cause of obesity,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
Possible spelling mistake found.
exercies
are
also
the cause. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
, unless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should know about this issue
Possible spelling mistake found.
earlr
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
Possible spelling mistake found.
throght
the lesson, individual might face heavy problems in the future. This means that, although exist
Possible spelling mistake found.
asustance
provide energy to the body, there is
also
a food which contain of
Possible spelling mistake found.
alot
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
, which is the main cause of obesity.
Moreover
, Another reason why I believe that teaching about obesity in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
curriculum
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is that lake of walking. The majority of individuals are sedentary, for they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
for along hours.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
becoming overweight. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they don't care about size of the problem, and it is effect.
For instance
, according to a recent report by the Guardian newspaper shown that in the USA there have been an increase in the amount of adolescent obesity, which was the result of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years.
In conclusion
, despite there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who feel that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
curriculum
don't need additional like heath section, I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
, as this would be a beneficial
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
step and
it could be a healthy community empty from disease.

IELTS essay Agrowing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health system to deal with the health problems. Some people believe that providing curriculum to deal with problems by providing lesson in curriculum.

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
302 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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