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Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged.Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults Discuss both of these views and give your own opinion.

Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults 7mQ2
A wide range of people believe that scholars should be inspired to be competitivness, while others admit youngsters learn how to co-operate, anyhow, this process could help them be more functional matures. Firstly, this essay will discuss children who tend to rivalry could be more successful in their future life and secondly, will show partnership has an essential role as a main core of relationship in their growth. First and foremost, both in environmental and educational situations children have a great passion to pass others that could be more beneficial in their improvement as well as thoughts. Competitive schoolchildren are eager to be one step ahead, as a result they spend more time on whatever they try to execute professsionally. In other words, wel-behavioured scholars would leave a deep impression on their nurture in a positive way and in terms of it could give a great contribution to society’s prosperity. For example, according to survey results held in Indian schools, 7 out of 10 children who received excellent marks are great challengers among their classmates. On the other hand, sometimes these students are obliged to work individually due to their priorities, which deprive them from properties of working together or colleborating. Moreover, they can not develop without having inportant features such as feeling responsibility, sharing, working in a team and so on. Otherwise, scholars face failure instead of gaining success due to working on their own. Moreover, even when being adults they always underestimate themselves due to lack of co-operation among their colleagues. For instance, statistics shows that in Indonesia the great majority of adults who are unaware of working in teams at companies have failed in promotions for many years. In conslusion, according to many people’s thoughts, inspiration should be created in children through competitivness, whereas others’ statement change due to associations that have an essence in adults’ productivity. In my opinion, coordinaton might be the most appropriate option not only in broadening adults’ thoughts, but also making useful bonds.
A wide range of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that scholars should
be inspired
to be
Possible spelling mistake found.
competitivness
, while others admit youngsters learn how to co-operate, anyhow, this process could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them be more functional matures.
Firstly
, this essay will discuss
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who tend to rivalry could be more successful in their future life and
secondly
, will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
partnership has an essential role as a main core of relationship in their growth.

First
and foremost, both in environmental and educational situations
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
passion to pass others that could be more beneficial in their improvement
as well
as thoughts. Competitive schoolchildren are eager to be one step ahead,
as a result
they spend more time on whatever they try to execute
Possible spelling mistake found.
professsionally
. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words,
Possible spelling mistake found.
wel-behavioured
scholars would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
a deep impression on their nurture in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
way and in terms of it could give a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
contribution to society’s prosperity.
For example
, according to survey results held in Indian schools, 7 out of 10
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who received excellent marks are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
challengers among their classmates.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
these students
are obliged
to work
individually
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to their priorities, which
The usual collocation for "deprive" is "of" not "them". Did you mean "deprive them of"?
deprive them from
properties of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
together or
Possible spelling mistake found.
colleborating
.
Moreover
, they can not develop without having
Possible spelling mistake found.
inportant
features such as feeling responsibility, sharing,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in a team and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
Otherwise
, scholars face failure
instead
of gaining success
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.
Moreover
, even when being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
they always underestimate themselves
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to lack of co-operation among their colleagues.
For instance
, statistics
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that in Indonesia the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
who are unaware of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in teams at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
have failed in promotions for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years.

In
Possible spelling mistake found.
conslusion
, according to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s thoughts, inspiration should
be created
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
through
Possible spelling mistake found.
competitivness
, whereas others’ statement
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to associations that have an essence in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults’
productivity. In my opinion,
Possible spelling mistake found.
coordinaton
might be the most appropriate option not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in broadening
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults’
thoughts,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
making useful bonds.
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IELTS essay Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
331 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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