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Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to cooperate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Skills, attitude and knowledge are the best combination the children can have as they grow older and apply in their daily living. Huge proportion of people believe that a sense of competition should be instilled in children. Others say that children who are cooperative become more useful adults rather than being competitive. Personally, I agreed on the second view; as attitude depicts a huge impact in anyone's personality. Being competitive in life reveals a beneficial and harmful effects as a child grows older. Competition helps the child to become aggressive, confident, excel in everything they do and always think for a successful life ahead. On the other hand, this children cannot tolerate failures. They are very well trained as being competitive; and being a failure depicts a bad reputation for them. In everything they do, they are pressured to excel, as this is the way they are being raised. Thus, they don't have the freedom to do and feel what they want in life. On the contrary, attitude comprises the ability of the child to be flexible in all aspects. The way they build any relationships outside home reflects their way of living which is more important than being competitive. We can learn and practice being competitive, but we cannot know attitude in just one click. They have the freedom to fulfill there dreams without being pressured and being afraid of failures. They do want to be successful in life, but when failures set in, they are flexible enough to adjust in order to adapt in the situation. To sum it up, being competitive alone is not enough in order to be successful in life. Having the skills, attitude and knowledge results in a fruitful way of living.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Skills
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attitude
and knowledge are the best combination the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can have as they grow older and apply in their daily living. Huge proportion of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that a sense of competition should
be instilled
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Others say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who are cooperative become more useful adults
rather
than being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
.
Personally
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
on the second view; as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attitude
depicts a huge impact in anyone's personality.

Being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
reveals a beneficial and harmful effects as a child grows older. Competition
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the child to become aggressive, confident, excel in everything they do and always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
for a successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
ahead.
On the other hand
,
‘This’ does not seem to match the plural noun ‘children’. Did you mean “these”?
this
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children
cannot tolerate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
failures
. They are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This word is normally spelled with a hyphen.
well trained
as being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
; and being a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
failure
depicts a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
reputation for them. In everything they do, they
are pressured
to excel, as this is the way they are
being raised
.
Thus
, they don't have the freedom to do and feel what they want in life.

On the contrary
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attitude
comprises the ability of the child to be flexible in all aspects. The way they build any relationships outside home reflects their way of living which is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
. We can learn and practice being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we cannot know
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attitude
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
one click. They have the freedom to fulfill there dreams without
being pressured
and being afraid of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
failures
. They do want to be successful in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
failures
set in, they are flexible
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to adjust in order to adapt in the situation.

To sum it up, being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
alone is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
in order to be successful in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Having the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attitude
and knowledge results in a fruitful way of living.
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IELTS essay Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to cooperate rather than compete become more useful adults.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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