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Some People Think That A High Salary Is Important than job satisfaction. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

Some People Think That A High Salary Is Important than job satisfaction. 30oJ5
It's inevitable that due to the rapid development of industrialization, people are facing difficulties to acquire jobs based on their strength and degree. For this reason, whether a preferable job is the one that makes you earn a huge amount of money or the one that satisfies you better has become a hot topic amidst the community recently. From my perspective, I think it's better to have a profession that makes you feel comfortable since you could be more productive if that career suits you the best. To commence with, it's noticeably acceptable that surviving in this era has become tougher than before due to the significant emergence of the required additional outcome, for example, pricey accommodation fees, water bills, electricity bills, and so on. Henceforth, individuals have to seek for jobs with a better salary so that they could make ends meet in their families. However, pursuing a career relying only on the amount of payment is not a good idea since it could lead the employees to be stressed out, tired, and uninterested in what they are asked to do. As a consequence, low work performance and depression are the ultimate demerits that they have to experience. On the other hand, the employee who chooses to follow the career that he particularly specializes in is more likely to succeed in a short period because the satisfaction on his job could lead him to create a balance between his job and life. In addition, since one could fully devote his interest and capability in the work, the productivity of the work performed will be more desirable, boosting to get more frequent promotions. Even though the salary could be less at the start, this will no longer be a problem after one could enjoy his working environment and gain job satisfaction as mental well-being plays the primary role in career life. All things considered, pondering all the aforementioned points, it seems to me that having a career that could make you less miserable and productive is way more preferable than the job with a better salary since performing the job only by looking at the wage could lead one to unproductive and mentally tired.
It's inevitable that due to the rapid development of industrialization,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are facing difficulties to acquire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
based on their strength and degree.
For this reason
, whether a preferable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is the one that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
you earn a huge amount of money or the one that satisfies you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
has become a hot topic amidst the community recently. From my perspective, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
to have a profession that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
you feel comfortable since you could be more productive if that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
suits you the best.

To commence with, it's
noticeably
acceptable that surviving in this era has become tougher than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
due to the significant emergence of the required additional outcome,
for example
, pricey accommodation fees, water bills, electricity bills, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. Henceforth, individuals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
seek for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
salary
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
ends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
in their families.
However
, pursuing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
relying
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on the amount of payment is not a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
since it could lead the employees to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
out, tired, and uninterested in what they
are asked
to do. As a consequence, low work performance and depression are the ultimate demerits that they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
experience.

On the other hand
, the employee who chooses to follow the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
that he
particularly
specializes in is more likely to succeed in a short period
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the satisfaction on his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
could lead him to create a balance between his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and life.
In addition
, since one could
fully
devote his interest and capability in the work, the productivity of the work performed will be more desirable, boosting to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more frequent promotions.
Even though
the salary could be less at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
, this will no longer be a problem after one could enjoy his working environment and gain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
satisfaction as mental well-being plays the primary role in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
life.

All things considered, pondering all the aforementioned points, it seems to me that having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
that could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
you less miserable and productive is way more preferable than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
salary since performing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
by looking at the wage could lead one to unproductive and mentally tired.
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IELTS essay Some People Think That A High Salary Is Important than job satisfaction.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
364 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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