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Some people think modern technology is increasing the gap between rich and poor people

Some people think modern technology is increasing the gap between rich and poor people PLPMK
Advanced technology has been causing a lot of problems in society. It is thought by some people that modern engineering science, which expands wealth inequality. However, others do not support that idea. This essay of mine shows the latter is more significant. On the one hand, some people believed that poor people still can become rich through effort. The poor, if they know how to make constant efforts to learn and develop themselves, can master modern technology to develop their careers and get rich not only for themselves but also for society. For an illustration, billionaire Jay Chaudhry from a poor boy in India slowly approached modern applied science and became rich from the rational use of technology. On the other hand, only the rich can afford to use the most advanced technology and use it in economic development. Among that, expensive and advanced products are only for the rich so, poor people simply use products of low value. Businesses, companies, factories use technology to increase labor productivity and increase profits, at the same time reduce the amount of unnecessary labor. Poor people do not have enough professional qualifications, do not meet job requirements, face the risk of dismissal, job loss leads to poorer than. For example, MacBook, apple watch, iPhone, . . . each such smart device needs to have at least 30 million to buy it, it is impossible for the poor. In recent years, the unemployment rate in the world is increasing because modern technology is produced to replace people working. In my opinion, the number of poor people who succeed in accessing modern technology is still very small so the gap between the rich and the poor is still too obvious. To sum up, everything that has been started so far, it seems to me that modern technology continues to widen the wealth inequality.
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technology
has been causing
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a lot of
problems in society. It is
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thought
by
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some
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people
that
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modern
engineering science, which expands wealth inequality.
However
, others do not support that
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idea
. This essay of mine
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shows
the latter is more significant.

On the one hand,
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some
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people
believed that
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poor
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people
still
can become
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rich
through effort. The
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poor
, if they know how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
constant efforts to learn and develop themselves, can master
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modern
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technology
to develop their careers and
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get
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rich
not
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only
for themselves
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but
also
for society. For an illustration, billionaire Jay
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Chaudhry
from a
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poor
boy in India
slowly
approached
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modern
applied science and became
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rich
from the rational
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use
of technology.

On the other hand
,
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only
the
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rich
can afford to
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use
the most advanced
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technology
and
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use
it in economic development. Among that, expensive and advanced products are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for the
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rich
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so
,
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poor
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people
simply
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use
products of low value. Businesses,
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companies
, factories
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
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technology
to increase labor productivity and increase profits, at the same time
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reduce
the amount of unnecessary labor.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
professional qualifications, do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
job requirements, face the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of dismissal, job loss leads to poorer than.
For example
, MacBook, apple
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watch
, iPhone
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, .
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.
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.
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each
such smart device needs to have at least 30 million to
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buy
it, it is impossible for the
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poor
. In recent years, the unemployment rate in the world is increasing
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because
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modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is produced
to replace
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
working.

In my opinion, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who succeed in accessing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is
still
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very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the gap between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
is
still
too obvious.

To sum up, everything that has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
far, it seems to me that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
continues to widen the wealth inequality.
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IELTS essay Some people think modern technology is increasing the gap between rich and poor people

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
308 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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