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Some people think men are naturally more competitive than women. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

It is said that men are more aggressive than women. In my point of view, men were more competitive in ancient world due to the circumstances, but now a days women are as fierce as men are. On the one hand, we have archetypes, behaviors or beliefs which are inheritors from people’s ancestors, and men are not individual from that. Let’s begin with men in ancient days, they used to be competitive for achieving food in competition with their rivals or to give birth to their own children and protect their generation or compete on having wives with other men due to their instinct. However, these archetypes remain in men’s nature even in the modern world. Secondly, men used to work in society much more than women do, since that they have been having this sense, being better than other ones, even until now. In addition, men worked harder to earn more money for supporting their family. On the other hand, it is clear to see that women are as competitive as men in modern world, significantly in the job atmosphere. Not only because women work as fierce as men do, but also ladies are trying to be better and more perfect in their occupations to left men behind, and prove that they are as strict as men are. Since that, they compete more to achieve better social positions. Last but not the least, women said to be more envious than men, consequently if they want to, they can be much more competitive than any other men. To sum up, in my opinion men used to be more fierce than women, but today, both men and women can be competitive depend on the situation, occupation, and one’s personality.
It
is said
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
are more aggressive than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
. In my point of view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
were more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
in ancient world due to the circumstances,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
Did you mean "nowadays"?
now a days
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are as fierce as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
are.

On the one hand, we have archetypes, behaviors or beliefs which are inheritors from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s ancestors, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
are not individual from that.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with
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men
in ancient days, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
for achieving food in competition with their rivals or to give birth to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
children and protect their generation or compete on having wives with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
due to their instinct.
However
, these archetypes remain in
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men’s
nature even in the modern world.
Secondly
,
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men
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to work in society much more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
do, since that they have been having this sense, being better than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
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ones
, even until
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.
In addition
,
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men
worked harder to earn more money for supporting their family.

On the
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other
hand, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
in modern world,
significantly
in the job atmosphere. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
work as fierce as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
do,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
ladies are trying to be better and more perfect in their occupations to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
behind, and prove that they are as strict as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
are. Since that, they compete more to achieve better social positions. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not the least,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
said to be more envious than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
,
consequently
if they want to, they can be much more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
than any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
.

To sum up, in my opinion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to be
This adjective uses the short comparatives form.
more fierce
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
can be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
depend on the situation, occupation, and one’s personality.
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IELTS essay Some people think men are naturally more competitive than women.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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