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Some people think government should support the funds for the arts. Others believe they should spend money on health and education. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people think government should support the funds for the arts. Others believe they should spend money on health and education. x0LM9
The allocation of government budgets has been in the headlines for quite a long time. Although it appears to many people convincing that the state should invest more in the arts, I lean toward the idea that the majority of the funds should be invested in residents’ health and education. There are several reasons why the government should use the budget for the arts. To begin with, they can enrich residents’ mental health because the fund can be used to open art expositions or galleries so that people may learn more about artistic values as well as realising stress. As a result, their souls and artistic abilities can be nurtured from appreciating artwork, and gradually they can improve their imaginations and senses. In addition, the country’s economy can be enhanced by developing tourism. The reason is a rich art life is one of the major factors attracting foreign tourists to visit a country. For instance, the Metropolitan Museum of Art in America, which is one of the most well-known art museums in the world, attracts a million participation of tourists in a year so it brings large profits for the economy of this country. The government should spend the budget on healthcare and education for various reasons. Firstly, with the state’s investment in improving the healthcare system, the inhabitants’ living quality can be raised. To explain, thanks to modern facilities of hospitals around the city, citizens will be better taken care of and cured from dangerous diseases, thereby living longer and more comfortably. Secondly, the state can reduce the jobless rate with suitable fundings for different aspects of education such as adding more orientation sessions and vocational training in curriculums. Moreover, the state can fund programs to train employees so that they can achieve high standards or workmanship and gain more employment opportunities. As a result, the government can promote national productivity and improve the economy. In conclusion, my opinion is that despite the need of developing the arts, the government should spend more funds for the quality of health and education of the community.
The allocation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
budgets has been in the headlines for quite a long time. Although it appears to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
convincing that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
state
should invest more in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
, I lean toward the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that the majority of the funds should
be invested
in residents’ health and education.

There are several reasons why the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the budget for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, they can enrich residents’ mental health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fund
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to open
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
expositions or galleries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may learn more about artistic values
as well
as
Possible spelling mistake. 'realising' is British English.
realising
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
As a result
, their souls and artistic abilities can
be nurtured
from appreciating artwork, and
gradually
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their imaginations and senses.
In addition
, the country’s economy can
be enhanced
by developing tourism. The reason is a rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
life is one of the major factors attracting foreign tourists to visit a country.
For instance
, the Metropolitan Museum of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Art
in America, which is one of the most well-known
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
museums in the world, attracts a million participation of tourists in a year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it brings large profits for the economy of this country.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should spend the budget on healthcare and education for various reasons.
Firstly
, with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
state’s
investment in improving the healthcare system, the inhabitants’ living quality can
be raised
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
, thanks to modern facilities of hospitals around the city, citizens will be better taken care of and
The usual collocation for "cured" is "of" not "". Did you mean "cured of"?
cured from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
diseases, thereby living longer and more
comfortably
.
Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
state
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the jobless rate with suitable
Possible spelling mistake found.
fundings
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
aspects of education such as adding more orientation sessions and vocational training in curriculums.
Moreover
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
state
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fund
programs to train employees
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can achieve high standards or workmanship and gain more employment opportunities.
As a result
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can promote national productivity and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the economy.

In conclusion
, my opinion is that despite the need of developing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should spend more funds for the quality of health and education of the community.
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IELTS essay Some people think government should support the funds for the arts. Others believe they should spend money on health and education.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
345 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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