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Some people think getting old is all bad, while others think the life of elderly people in modern world is better than that in the past. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people think getting old is all bad, while others think the life of elderly people in modern world is better than that in the past. mk8q
As globalization increases along with the population boom, life in large cities has become increasingly challenging. All aspects of life are affected by the huge amount of people residing in metropolitan areas. People are often faced with crippling traffic, horrible air pollution, over-inflated housing amongst many other problems. In my opinion, to ease the burden on overpopulated urban cities, life in regional towns should be encouraged by governments. Big cities are often appealing for their extravagant social scene and thriving employment opportunities. While many migrate there, soon an overpopulation problem emerges resulting in a vast array of problems. Firstly, as the large numbers of vehicles increase, the roads soon come to a halt, with traffic locking the city down. This makes commuting increasingly difficult, as long hours of the day are spent traveling to and from destinations. Furthermore, an increase in cars also brings with it the smog of smoke, horribly polluting the fresh air. This can have detrimental effects on the health of pedestrians, with many people suffering from asthma and problems with vision. As an increased amount of people need a place to stay, a huge increase in competition is seen in housing, greatly driving up rent and house prices. As a result, the overall cost of living in large cities is often significantly higher than regional towns, resulting in many people struggling to make ends meet. I believe governments should encourage life in regional towns. People often move to big cities for employment, education and increased social activities. These investments should be made in regional zones. If smaller towns had the employment, education and transport opportunities similar to those found in urban cities, people would not need or want to relocate as these towns would cater to their requirements. Moreover, these investments would also ease the troubles of the metropolitan areas. With their population decreasing, some of the troubles of everyday life could be reduced significantly.
As globalization
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increases
along with the population boom,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
has

become
increasingly
challenging. All aspects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by the huge amount

of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
residing in metropolitan areas.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
often
faced with crippling traffic,

horrible air pollution, over-inflated housing amongst
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other problems. In my

opinion, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
the burden on overpopulated urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regional
towns

should
be encouraged
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
often
appealing for their extravagant social scene and thriving

employment opportunities. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
migrate there,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
an overpopulation

problem emerges resulting in a vast array of problems.
Firstly
, as the large numbers

of vehicles
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
, the roads
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to a halt, with traffic locking the city down.

Did you mean "these"?
This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
commuting
increasingly
difficult, as long hours of the day
are spent


traveling to and from destinations.
Furthermore
, an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
in cars
also
brings with it the smog of smoke,
horribly


polluting the fresh air. This can have detrimental effects on the health of pedestrians,

with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suffering from asthma and problems with vision. As an increased

amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need a place to stay, a huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
in competition is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in

housing,
greatly
driving up rent and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
prices.
As a result
, the
overall
cost of living

in large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
often
significantly
higher than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
towns
, resulting in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many


This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
struggling to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
ends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
.

I believe
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
towns
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
for employment, education and increased social activities. These

investments should
be made
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regional
zones. If smaller
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
towns
had the employment,

education and transport opportunities similar to those found in urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people


would not need or want to relocate as these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
towns
would cater to their requirements.

Moreover
, these investments would
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
the troubles of the metropolitan areas.

With their population decreasing,
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
troubles of everyday
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
could be

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
significantly
.
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IELTS essay Some people think getting old is all bad, while others think the life of elderly people in modern world is better than that in the past.

Essay
  American English
9 paragraphs
319 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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