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Some people think getting old is all bad, while others think the life of elderly people in modern world is better than that in the past. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people think getting old is all bad, while others think the life of elderly people in modern world is better than that in the past. anlP
Society is growing, people's lives are getting better, so many people think that older people live much more easily than in the past. In my opinion, I would argue that there are too many changes in today's modern life, which help older people have better lives. On the one hand, in the past, most of old people had to live a very hard life. Firstly, In the family, the salary of the elderly is also one of the main income sources of the family. Some elderly people often worked all day to make money to raise themselves or their grandchildren even their children who losed the ability to work. Secondly, because of their old age, they were usually low paid. Moreover, the healthcare system in the past was not good, many kind of diseases had not found a way to cure and the cost of medical examination and treatment was quite high, so if they were ill, their life would become more difficult, this will make the family economic burden heavier. On the other hand, today the life of most of old people are much better. First, old people are very concerned about the state. For example, The nursing home is built by the state, is where older people can come to live and be cared for. Besides, the salary of the trades is higher than before and some professions such as teachers. . . have a pension. This will help the elderly have the life better and reduce burden on their families. Second, nowadays, the healthcare system is improved. Researchers have developed drugs to cure diseases that had not been found before and the cost of drugs is dropped significantly, so older people will spend less money to pay for medicines. Finally, today, there are a lot of entertainment facilities that help older people to have fun, such as TVs, computers, smartphones, etc. , or parks, pedestrian walkways are also formed to help people's health grow. In conclusion, society is increasingly developed, the quality of life of people is enhanced. Therefore, we need more effort to develop society and the elderly will also have a better life.
Society is growing,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
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lives
are getting
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better
,
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so
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many
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people
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think
that
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older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
much more
easily
than in the past. In my opinion, I would argue that there are too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's modern
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life
, which
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help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

On the one hand, in the past, most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
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people
had to
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live
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Firstly
, In the
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family
, the salary of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
is
also
one of the main income sources of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
worked all day to
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make
money to raise themselves or their grandchildren even their children who
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "lost", the past tense form of the verb 'lose'?
losed
the ability to work.
Secondly
,
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because
of their
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old
age, they were
usually
low paid.
Moreover
, the healthcare system in the past was not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
,
Possible agreement error. The noun kind seems to be countable; consider using: "many kinds".
many kind
of diseases had not found a way to cure and the cost of medical examination and treatment was quite high,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
if they were ill, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
would become more difficult, this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
economic burden heavier.

On the other hand
,
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today
the
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life
of most of
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old
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people
are much
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better
.
First
,
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old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
concerned about the state.
For example
, The nursing home
is built
by the state, is where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to
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live
and
be cared
for.
Besides
, the salary of the trades is higher than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
professions such as teachers.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
have
a pension. This will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
have the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
burden on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
. Second, nowadays, the healthcare system is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
. Researchers have developed drugs to cure diseases that had not
been found
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
and the cost of drugs
is dropped
significantly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will spend less money to pay for medicines.
Finally
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
entertainment facilities that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to have fun, such as TVs, computers, smartphones, etc.
Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
,
or parks, pedestrian walkways are
also
formed to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's health grow.

In conclusion
, society is
increasingly
developed, the quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is enhanced
.
Therefore
, we need more effort to develop society and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
will
also
have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
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IELTS essay Some people think getting old is all bad, while others think the life of elderly people in modern world is better than that in the past.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
358 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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