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Some people think getting higher salaries is more important than job satisfaction. To what extent do you agree or disagree

Some people think getting higher salaries is more important than job satisfaction. jR2Qd
There has always been a debate regarding why people work. Whether they work in order to get paid a lot or just for their satisfaction? It can be said most people around the world just do a work in order to get paid sufficiently which in turn help them lead a happy life with their family. Is it the correct way to lead a happy life? In my opinion I think people must work firstly for job satisfaction and then only think about getting higher salaries. In this essay I mainly focus on supporting my opinion and also, I have emphasized on why people should just not work for higher salaries without having job satisfaction. As most of the working class work around 8-10 hours a day nowadays, their work life comprises of more than one third of their daily lives. So, their mental wellbeing will mostly depend on how they cope up in their working environment. Therefore only if a person works with self satisfaction of the job in his working environment he will be able to lead a healthy and happy life even outside of his working environment. Otherwise even if he is able to get a higher salary and don't have a peaceful and happy mental state he won't be able to even spend the salary he earned happily with his family. Consider the following scenario, there are two employees working in a Manufacturing plant one as a supervisor and the other as a low-level assembly worker. Supervisor gets a higher salary compared to the assembly worker. But the supervisor is the one who got the job in order to run his family after completing a degree in arts because he didn't get any good oppurtunities for being an artist who he likes to be. But the assembly worker joined in this job after doing a vocational training course in mechanical field. So, he likes this job and wishes to go forward in this job. But the supervisor isn't satisfied with this job and always in search for an oppurtunity to search his passion. So, among these two, who do you think will lead a happier life? Obviously it will be the assembly worker. Because he loves what he is doing and will always strive to get better in what he does and it will keep him in a healthier and happier mind state than the supervisor. So, with this I think we can conclude that having job satisfaction is far more important than getting a higher salary in order to lead a healthy and happy life both in and out of the working environment.
There has always been a debate regarding why
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people
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work
. Whether they
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work
in
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order
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
paid a lot or
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just
for their
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satisfaction
? It can
be said
most
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people
around the world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
do a
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work
in
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order
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
paid
sufficiently
which in turn
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help
them
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lead
a
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happy
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life
with their family. Is it the correct way to
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lead
a
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happy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
? In my opinion I
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think
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people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
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work
firstly
for
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job
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satisfaction
and then
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only
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think
about getting higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
. In this essay I
mainly
focus on supporting my opinion and
also
, I have emphasized on why
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people
should
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
without having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
satisfaction.

As most of the
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working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
around 8-10 hours a day nowadays, their
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work
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life
Did you mean "comprises" or "consists of"?
comprises of
more than one third of their daily
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lives
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, their mental
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wellbeing
will
mostly
depend on how they cope up in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
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only
if a person works with self
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satisfaction
of the
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job
in his
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working
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environment
he will be able to
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lead
a healthy and
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happy
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life
even
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "outside".
outside of
his
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working
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environment
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Otherwise
even if he is able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a higher
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salary
and don't have a peaceful and
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happy
mental state he won't be able to even spend the
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salary
he earned
happily
with his family.

Consider the following scenario, there are two employees
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in a Manufacturing plant one as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
supervisor
and the other as a low-level assembly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
worker
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Supervisor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
a higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
compared to the assembly
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worker
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
the
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supervisor
is the one who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
order
to run his family after completing a degree in arts
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he didn't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
Possible spelling mistake found.
oppurtunities
for being an artist who he likes to be.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
the assembly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
worker
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joined
in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
after doing a vocational training course in mechanical field.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, he likes this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and wishes to go forward in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
supervisor
isn't satisfied with this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and always in search for an
Possible spelling mistake found.
oppurtunity
to search his passion.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, among these two, who do you
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think
will
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lead
a happier
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life
?
Obviously
it will be the assembly
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worker
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loves
what he is doing and will always strive to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
better in what he does and it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
him in a healthier and happier mind state than the supervisor.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, with this I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
we can conclude that having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
satisfaction
is far more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than getting a higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
order
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lead
a healthy and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
both in and out of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
.
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IELTS essay Some people think getting higher salaries is more important than job satisfaction.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
438 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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