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some people think Children over playing game has a negative impact on them .do you agree or disagree?

some people think Children over playing game has a negative impact on them. jbMbw
People use computers more extensively these days than ever before, and it is so widespread in our modern world that even children have access to these devices for playing games. This essay discusses the disadvantages of playing digital games on computer devices by youngsters and suggests some measures to reduce its negative effects. Concerning the adverse impacts of young children playing video games, the most devastating one is the addiction these games create. Millions of dollars are spent to make computer games so that they attract a large number of audiences and keep them glued to the computer screens. So they are addictive by design. And this obsession hampers children's outdoor activities, studies and even time to socialise and learn important life skills. To illustrate, many research works suggest that children who spend many hours playing computer games each day end up performing poorly in schools and avoid social events and outdoor activities. It results in physical and psychological issues including poor eyesight and despair. Moreover, violent games cloud the youngsters' judgement and make their rational thinking unstable. Oftentimes, youngsters who play violent games develop violent behaviours. To cite an example, an unfortunate shooting event that claimed many innocent lives took place in an American school a few years ago was carried out by a teenager who was addicted to shooting games. To minimise the severity of these negative impacts, parents must monitor what their children are doing, especially on computers. They should not be allowed to play computer games for more than a couple of hours each week, and parents can actively participate in those games with their children so that it becomes family time. An ideal example of it could be my aunt and uncle who play video games with their children and as a result, children are also interested in doing outdoor activities with them. Finally, parents can use parental control over the digital content and games their children watch or play. These measures would deter children from downloading and playing games that are not suitable for their age. To conclude, computer games, when played excessively by children, have many detrimental effects. Proper parenting and monitoring seem like the best solution to solve these problems.
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People
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use
computers more
extensively
these days than ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
, and it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
widespread in our modern world that even
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have access to these devices for
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playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. This essay discusses the disadvantages of
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playing
digital
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games
on computer devices by youngsters and suggests
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some
measures to
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reduce
its
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negative
effects.

Concerning the adverse impacts of young
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children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, the most devastating one is the addiction these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
create. Millions of dollars
are spent
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they attract
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
audiences and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them glued to the computer screens.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
they are addictive by design. And this obsession hampers children's outdoor activities, studies and even time to
Possible spelling mistake. 'socialise' is British English.
socialise
and learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. To illustrate,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
research works suggest that
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children
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who
spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
hours
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
each day
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up performing
poorly
in schools and avoid social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
and outdoor activities. It results in physical and psychological issues including poor eyesight and despair.
Moreover
, violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
cloud the youngsters' judgement and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their rational thinking unstable. Oftentimes, youngsters
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
develop violent
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
. To cite an example, an unfortunate shooting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
that claimed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
innocent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
took place in an American school a few years ago
was carried
out by a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
was addicted
to shooting games.

To
Possible spelling mistake. 'minimise' is British English.
minimise
the severity of these
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts, parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
monitor what their
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children
are doing,
especially
on computers. They should not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
for more than a couple of hours each week, and parents can
actively
participate in those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that it becomes family time. An ideal example of it could be my aunt and uncle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
with their
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children
and
as a result
,
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children
are
also
interested in doing outdoor activities with them.
Finally
, parents can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
parental control over the digital content and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
or
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play
. These measures would deter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from downloading and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
that are not suitable for their age.

To conclude
, computer
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games
, when played
excessively
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
detrimental effects. Proper parenting and monitoring seem like the best solution to solve these problems.
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IELTS essay some people think Children over playing game has a negative impact on them.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
368 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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