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Some people think all young people should be forced to study full time before 18 To what extent do you agree or disagree

Some people think all young people should be forced to study full time before 18 GM30Q
Education has been always vital to everyone. It is argued that all young people should be forced to study full time before 18. In my perspective, I tend to disagree with this statement and will elaborate below. It is certainly true that continue to study full time before 18 has some benefits. One of the benefits is that young students can master wide range of knowledge before they step in to the society to work. Having received high level of education, young people are able to progress more quickly because they have sufficient vocabulary and practical skills such as reading skill and computer skills. As a result, they will make themselves more valuable. Apart from this, schools just like small community. By simply attending to school, teenagers can meet up new friends from the other countries with different backgrounds. This is a good opportunity for the young people to communicate with foreign students and share ideas for deep understanding between each other. Therefore, young people will show more respect to foreigners culture. However, not all young people should be forced to study full time. Sometimes, it is better for young people to get some experience by doing casual jobs. In this way, teenagers are able to enlarge their horizon and experience the difficulty of earning money of their parents. Consequently, this allows young people become financial independent and have better understanding of the society. In conclusion, although there are some benefits of studying full time for young people, i still think that part time study and work is the best combination.
Education has been always vital to everyone. It
is argued
that all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
be forced
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
full
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
18. In my perspective, I tend to disagree with this statement and will elaborate below.

It is
certainly
true that continue to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
full
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
18 has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits. One of the benefits is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
students can master wide range of knowledge
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they step in to the society to work. Having received high level of education,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are able to progress more
quickly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have sufficient vocabulary and practical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
such as reading
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
and computer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
As a result
, they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
themselves more valuable.

Apart from this, schools
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
like
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
community. By
simply
attending to school,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
up new friends from the other countries with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
backgrounds. This is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
opportunity for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to communicate with foreign students and share
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
for deep understanding between each other.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
more respect to foreigners culture.

However
, not all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
be forced
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
full
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
, it is better for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
experience by doing casual jobs. In this way,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are able to enlarge their horizon and experience the difficulty of earning money of their parents.
Consequently
, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become financial independent and have better understanding of the society.

In conclusion
, although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits of studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
full
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
and work is the best combination.
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IELTS essay Some people think all young people should be forced to study full time before 18

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
261 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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