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Some people think adolescents should do free labour to contribute to society because this will help them become better individuals and also improve society as a whole. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this proposal?

Some people think adolescents should do free labour to contribute to society because this will help them become better individuals and also improve society as a whole. with this proposal? dPk7
The plethora of people believe that unpaid labour help youth to investigate cognitive development, also beneficial for social improvements. I partially agree with this proposal. Teenagers can get great valuable experiences through social activity, volunteer work. On the one side, doing jobs in an advanced age, young generation can learn a vital life skill. Consequently, they will spend more occasion at work, and limit waste time. There are large universities such as Havard and Stanford besides of academic criteria also add social criteria and this is a great advantage for students to be accepted. For example: withal to school knowledge, adolescent can gain many things from the volunteer activities. They will increase the ability to communicate with people, also develop teamwork and arrangement skills. At the same time, at a teen age needs increase, consequently money needs also. Pupils and students work at part time jobs to earn and be independent from their parents. For instance: I start work last summer at part time job, because I have aim to buy a laptop, of course my parents give me a part and other money I earn for my own. To sum up, teenagers good as a free labour workers for society, but also youth sometimes need to earn on their free time.
The plethora of
people
believe that unpaid
labour
help
youth to investigate cognitive development,
also
beneficial for social improvements. I
partially
agree
with this proposal.
Teenagers
can
get
great valuable experiences through social activity, volunteer work.

On the one side, doing jobs in an advanced age, young generation can learn a vital life
skill
.
Consequently
, they will spend more occasion at work, and limit waste
time
. There are large universities such as
Havard
and Stanford
besides
of academic criteria
also
add
social criteria and this is a great advantage for students to be
accepted
.
For example
: withal to school knowledge, adolescent can gain
many
things from the volunteer activities. They will increase the ability to communicate with
people
,
also
develop teamwork and arrangement
skills
.

At the same
time
, at a
teen age
needs increase,
consequently
money needs
also
. Pupils and students work at part
time
jobs to earn and be
independent from
their parents.
For instance
: I
start
work last summer at part
time
job,
because
I have aim to
buy
a laptop,
of course
my parents give me a part and other money I earn for my
own
.

To sum up,
teenagers
good
as a free
labour
workers for society,
but
also
youth
sometimes
need to earn on their free
time
.
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IELTS essay Some people think adolescents should do free labour to contribute to society because this will help them become better individuals and also improve society as a whole. with this proposal?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
212 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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