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Some people suggests that it is better for children to be brought up by whole family, including uncles, aunts and grandparents rather than just parent. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people suggests that it is better for children to be brought up by whole family, including uncles, aunts and grandparents rather than just parent. WXOa
Several citizens believe that upbringing of the children should be done by entire family, not only by their parents. My inclination is justified further. To begin with, the parents are busy in earning the livelihood and in household works, so they are not able to focus on the education of the children. While the other family members can keep an eye on the child and help him in studies. This will make the children learn things more effectively and percisely. Also the grandparents can teach children moral values and dispiline, this will improve the personality of the kid and make ones a good humanbeing Furthermore, if the children lives in joint family makes his bonding well with the other members. This shows children the importance of living together. India has least old-age homes and also there are only few nuclear families. On the contrary, we should not ignore the darker side of it. Children brought up by all family members may not value their parents, as they are more attach to other members. Also sometimes children do not share the incidents or their feeling with parents. To conclude, there are positive aspects of bringing up of children by whole family like they help in education, teach moral values and good behaviour whereas there are chances that children forget crucialness of parents in their life.
Several citizens believe that upbringing of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be done
by entire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. My inclination
is justified
further
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are busy in earning the livelihood and in household works,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they are not able to focus on the education of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. While the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
an eye on the child and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
him in studies. This will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
learn things more
effectively
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
percisely
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
the grandparents can teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
moral values and
Possible spelling mistake found.
dispiline
, this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the personality of the kid and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
ones a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
Possible spelling mistake found.
humanbeing
Furthermore
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in joint
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
his bonding well with the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
the importance of living together. India has least
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
-age homes and
also
there are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
few nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
.
On the contrary
, we should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
the darker side of it.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
brought up by all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
may not value their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, as they are more attach to other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do not share the incidents or their feeling with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
To conclude
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspects of bringing up of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
by whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
like they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in education, teach moral values and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
whereas there are chances that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
forget
Possible spelling mistake found.
crucialness
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
in their life.
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IELTS essay Some people suggests that it is better for children to be brought up by whole family, including uncles, aunts and grandparents rather than just parent.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
224 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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