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Some people store personal and private information online, including banking, contacts and addresses. Is it a positive or negative trend?

Some people store personal and private information online, including banking, contacts and addresses. Is it a positive or negative trend? b5WX
How many online accounts do you have? It is argued that while internet services bring several benefits to make our life become convenient, there are some potential risks that we should consider. I believe that users should be equipped with good knowledge about the upwards as well as the downward of these services in order to keep us safe. On the one hand, saving some personal information, such as name, email and password, could skip the time of retyping when users login to the online accounts. Nowadays, there are a variety of social media users access every day, hence it is frustrated that trying to remember dozens of user names and passwords could make people stressed. Moreover, recent social media could link to each other, which allows people to share their commonly used data, for example sharing documents or worksheets. This effect plays as an online room which colleagues or students could join and work together. Therefore, the developed online flatforms that sharing the user’s information could have the advantage of enhancing the user’s experience. On the other hand, it is true that uploading private data could make people at a higher risk. Some private information can be easily stolen, phone number, ID number, portrait or banking account, for example, are potentially taken advantage of the cyber-criminals. The elderly and young students are especially the aimed users that they egger to stole the information. In recent years, a lot of criminal cases related using other’s information to withdraw money at ATMs or extort their money. Furthermore, modern advertisements make use of the daily habit of Internet users to introduce their products, which let us become annoying. Thus, it is highly necessary that the national authorities have to enact new strict laws to secure the safety of their citizens. In conclusion, while there are some advantages that sharing some personal information on the Internet, to be safer, people should be aware of the risk of unsafe online social media.
How
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
accounts do you have? It
is argued
that while internet services bring several benefits to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
our life become convenient, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
potential
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
that we should consider. I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
users
should
be equipped
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
knowledge about the upwards
as well
as the downward of these services in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
us safe.

On the one hand, saving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
, such as name, email and password, could skip the time of retyping when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
users
login to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
accounts. Nowadays, there are a variety of social media
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
users
access every day,
hence
it
is frustrated
that trying to remember dozens of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
user
names and passwords could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
.
Moreover
, recent social media could link to each other, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to share their
commonly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
data,
for example
sharing documents or worksheets. This effect plays as an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
room which colleagues or students could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
and work together.
Therefore
, the developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
Possible spelling mistake found.
flatforms
that sharing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
user’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
could have the advantage of enhancing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
user’s
experience.

On the other hand
, it is true that uploading private data could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
at a higher
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
can be
easily
stolen, phone number, ID number, portrait or banking account,
for example
, are
potentially
taken advantage of the cyber-criminals. The elderly and young students are
especially
the aimed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
users
that
Do not use a noun immediately after the pronoun 'they'. Use a verb or an adverb, or possibly some other part of speech.
they egger
Did you mean "to steal"?
to stole
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
. In recent years,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
criminal cases related using other’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
to withdraw money at ATMs or extort their money.
Furthermore
, modern advertisements
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the daily habit of Internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
users
to introduce their products, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
us become annoying.
Thus
, it is
highly
necessary that the national authorities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
enact new strict laws to secure the safety of their citizens.

In conclusion
, while there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages that sharing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
on the Internet, to be safer,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should be aware of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of unsafe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
social media.
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IELTS essay Some people store personal and private information online, including banking, contacts and addresses. Is it a positive or negative trend?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
328 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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