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Some people say you don't need much money to be happy.What do you think?

Some people say you don't need much money to be happy. What do you think? oE6xD
It is true that money is considered to be crucial for our every day life. Some people tend to live happily money play adventageous role. I totally agree with opinion. Firstly, living condition is connected with it and consequently, health can be concerned on some occasions. To start with, our lifestyle circumstance addicted to the money. What I mean by this is if you obtain large number of money, you have an opportunity to enhance your house by the latest equipments which is decorating and technical tools. To illustrate, from my friends bought a cottage for the sake of spending holiday with his family. What's more, health conditions are connected with money. Because there are such parts of body that to transfer payment so high. For examplifying, in the movie "Father" dad had difficulty for earning money to save living of his son. Taking everything into account, to my point of view, money has its position in life both on owning wanted things and emergency situations.
It is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is considered
to be crucial for our every day life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
happily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
play
Possible spelling mistake found.
adventageous
role. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with opinion.
Firstly
, living condition
is connected
with it and
consequently
, health can
be concerned
on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
occasions. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, our lifestyle circumstance addicted to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. What I mean by this is if you obtain large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, you have an opportunity to enhance your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
by the latest equipments which is decorating and technical tools. To illustrate, from my friends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
a cottage for the sake of spending holiday with his family. What's more, health conditions
are connected
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
there are such parts of body that to transfer payment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
high. For
Possible spelling mistake found.
examplifying
, in the movie
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Father
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
dad had difficulty for earning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to save living of his son. Taking everything into account, to my point of view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
has its position in life both on owning wanted things and emergency situations.
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IELTS essay Some people say you don't need much money to be happy. What do you think?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
166 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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