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Some people say the main way to be happy in life is to have a lot of money How might having a lot of money make people happy? What other things in life can make people happy?

Some people say the main way to be happy in life is to have a lot of money How might having a lot of money make people happy? What other things in life can make people happy? a58w
For most people, money is an important part of life. Some would think that being wealthy is a main factor to live a happy life, as it provides the freedom to experience and purchasing power irrespective of the price tag. However, there are a lot of non-monetary factors that give people a sense of satisfaction. Nowadays people like to possess luxurious items. Having enough money to spend on premium products like luxury cars, flagship mobile phones, top branded accessories, and expensive vacation gives people a sense of satisfaction and freedom. For example, people who belong to a wealthy family are more likely to be happier compared to the counterparts. Furthermore, they usually spend a huge to spend their holidays abroad which gives them an opportunity to travel and experience different cultures around the globe. Apart from monetary possessions, there are several things that give happiness to people, these can be the relationship they have with people or spending time with loved ones. The majority of the citizens belong to a middle-class family and do not have high disposable income for materialistic possessions. Nevertheless, they are happy with the core values as they understand the fact that being financially strong is only an illusion and happiness lies in being content with what they have. For example, as per the reports of the United Nations, citizens of Finland are the happiest on the globe, this is because of the moral values that they are thought throughout their life, and money is given the least priority. In conclusion, while having a fortune gives happiness to the rich, but there are other non-monetary factors like relationships and moral values which pleases people more.
For most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, money is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part of life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that being wealthy is a main factor to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a happy life, as it provides the freedom to experience and purchasing power irrespective of the price tag.
However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
non-monetary factors that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
a sense of satisfaction.

Nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like to possess luxurious items. Having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
money to spend on premium products like luxury cars, flagship mobile phones, top branded accessories, and expensive vacation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
a sense of satisfaction and freedom.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who belong to a wealthy family are more likely to be happier compared to the counterparts.
Furthermore
, they
usually
spend a huge to spend their holidays abroad which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gives
them an opportunity to travel and experience
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cultures around the globe.

Apart from monetary possessions, there are several things that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
happiness to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, these can be the relationship they have with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
or spending time with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones. The majority of the citizens belong to a middle-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
family and do not have high disposable income for materialistic possessions.
Nevertheless
, they are happy with the core values as they understand the fact that being
financially
strong is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
an illusion and happiness lies in being content with what they have.
For example
, as per the reports of the United Nations, citizens of Finland are the happiest on the globe, this is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the moral values that they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
throughout their life, and money is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the least priority.

In conclusion
, while having a fortune
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gives
happiness to the rich,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are other non-monetary factors like relationships and moral values which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
pleases
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
more.
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IELTS essay Some people say the main way to be happy in life is to have a lot of money How might having a lot of money make people happy? What other things in life can make people happy?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
279 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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