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Some people say that young people should be free to choose the job they really want to do in the future working lives. Others, however, thinks young people should be more realistic and choose the jobs that will be possible for them to do in their future working lives. Discuss both perspectives and give your opinion.

Some people say that young people should be free to choose the job they really want to do in the future working lives. Others, however, thinks young people should be more realistic and choose the jobs that will be possible for them to do in their future working lives. mLB2d
In this concurrent world, everyone are free to choose their way of life as well as their carrier. Some people think that people should follow their interest and go along in same for their carrier. Some people believe in practical approach for better future life. Consequently, I propound that both side are valid on their different grounds. To commence with, having passionate about carrier and choose their future job according to, fulfill zeal of their life and help them to stay happy with their work. By choosing uninterested jobs, person becomes more stressed and dried out of the passion towards their work so they should follow their dreams to enhance the happiness withal without any enjoyment in life, person feel like working dead. Nevertheless, Being practical in choosing carrier in obligatory, it is safe to predict the future scope in particular field instead of find dead zone after. However, money is the mandatory aspect in life due to it provides the luxuries life. Some jobs don’t have any motive for rising future and don’t abreast with time, drag the people in black hole where people cannot reach out success even after giving their best. Furthermore, I firmly believe that people couldn’t live with passion which keep them motivated but when it comes to brighter future then sometimes, they have to set their goal according to the finest future scope and develop their focus in it. In recapitulation, I reiterate that people should obey their dreams, but in this rapid growing world, they should walk along with the generation and also choose the better working lives to ameliorate their outcome.
In this concurrent world, everyone
The pronoun 'everyone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "is", "was", "were".
are
free to choose their way of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
as well
as their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
carrier
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should follow their interest and go along in same for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
carrier
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe in practical approach for better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Consequently
, I propound that both side are valid on their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
grounds.

To commence with, having passionate about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
carrier
and choose their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
job according to, fulfill zeal of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to stay happy with their work. By choosing uninterested jobs, person becomes more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
and dried out of the passion towards their work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they should follow their dreams to enhance the happiness withal without any enjoyment in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, person feel like working dead.

Nevertheless
, Being practical in choosing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
carrier
in obligatory, it is safe to predict the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
scope
in particular
field
instead
of find dead zone after.
However
, money is the mandatory aspect in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
due to it provides the
Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean "luxuries'" or "luxury's"?
luxuries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
jobs don’t have any motive for rising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
and don’t abreast with time, drag the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in black hole where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot reach out success even after giving their best.

Furthermore
, I
firmly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
couldn’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with passion which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them motivated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to brighter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
set their goal according to the finest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
scope and develop their
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "focus".
focus in
it.

In recapitulation, I reiterate that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should obey their dreams,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in this rapid growing world, they should walk along with the generation and
also
choose the better working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
to ameliorate their outcome.
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IELTS essay Some people say that young people should be free to choose the job they really want to do in the future working lives. Others, however, thinks young people should be more realistic and choose the jobs that will be possible for them to do in their future working lives.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
269 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Some people say that young people should be free to choose the job they really want to do in the future working lives. Others, however, thinks young people should be more realistic and choose the jobs that will be possible for them to do in their future working lives. Discuss both perspectives and give your opinion.