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Some people say that watching television is beneficial for children but others say that it has more drawbacks. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people say that watching television is beneficial for children but others say that it has more drawbacks. yNJmP
It is widely held belief that television is more worthwhile for youngsters while there is a strong counter arguments among the first section of individuals that it has more limitations. However, I strongly assert that the latter prevails over the former as this is a matter to be debated in the light of several factors, which will be discussed in the upcoming paragraph before any reasonable conclusion can be drawn. To commence, with there is a multifarious advantages of watching television the first and foremost is that it has negative impact on youngsters physical development as a large number of TV shows and dramas are produced with a amusing characters and funny stories to draw audience's attention. Many children are addictive to them and spend hours sitting in front of the screen there by causing damage to their eyesight and physical postures. Moreover a TV may lead to degradation of schooling performance. It appears that some students stay up late because of cartoons, movies constantly. As a result, they will find that they have troubles focusing in class and not be able to performance well in assignments and exams. Furthermore another point worth mentioning here is a social estrangement children who are overly indulging in the technology have lack of sense of community along with the Civic sense. Even they remain confined within the four walls of the house, which hampus their social interactions and apparently their relationships becomes succumb. There by this alienation from social circle give rise to personality and behavioural crisis. Budding minds, in current scenario, emphrasied more on virtual world than the factual one and they are exposed to. Pernicious and nefarious content which leads to Ociruptive attitude like violence, compulsive disorder. Ancient and even narcissism. On the contrary, there are certain group of people who vehemently content that watching television is a good for teenagers. To start with, some educational programs are recommended to watch. There are different variety TV shows such as Animal World, Math Lesson deliver knowledge and information to children outside the school. These programs are meaningful and good for enhancing students’ thinking skills. Besides, TV news such as ABC news, BBC and Sydney Morning can broaden students’ horizons. Watching the TV news regularly, school children will access information that they cannot learn in the school. To. Conclude after analyzing both the views, I assert that watching TV gives negative effect on youngsters. Further, I strongly suggest that parents are encouraged to allow their children to watch useful programs. However, it is important to limit the time children spend on TV.
It is
widely
held belief that television is more worthwhile for youngsters while there is a strong counter
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "argument"?
arguments
among the
first
section of individuals that it has more limitations.
However
, I
strongly
assert that the latter prevails over the former as this is a matter to
be debated
in the light of several factors, which will
be discussed
in the upcoming paragraph
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
any reasonable conclusion can
be drawn
.

To commence, with there is a multifarious
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "advantage"?
advantages
of watching television the
first
and foremost is that it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on youngsters physical development as
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
and dramas
are produced
with
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
amusing characters and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
funny
stories to draw audience's attention.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are addictive to them and spend hours sitting in front of the screen there by causing damage to their eyesight and physical postures.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
a TV may lead to degradation of schooling performance. It appears that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
students stay up late
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of cartoons, movies
constantly
.
As a result
, they will find that they have troubles focusing in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
and not be able to performance well in assignments and exams.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Furthermore
another point worth mentioning here is a social estrangement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who are
overly
indulging in the technology have lack of sense of community along with the Civic sense. Even they remain confined within the four walls of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
, which
Possible spelling mistake found.
hampus
their social interactions and
apparently
their relationships becomes succumb. There by this alienation from social circle give rise to personality and
Possible spelling mistake. 'behavioural' is British English.
behavioural
crisis. Budding minds, in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
scenario,
Possible spelling mistake found.
emphrasied
more on virtual world than the factual
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
one and
they
are exposed
to. Pernicious and nefarious content which leads to
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ociruptive
attitude like violence, compulsive disorder. Ancient and even narcissism.

On the contrary
, there are certain
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "groups"?
group
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
vehemently
content that watching television is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
educational programs
are recommended
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
variety TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
such as Animal World, Math Lesson deliver knowledge and information to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
outside the school. These programs are meaningful and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for enhancing students’ thinking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Besides
, TV news such as ABC news, BBC and Sydney Morning can broaden students’ horizons. Watching the TV news
regularly
, school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will access information that they cannot learn in the school.

To. Conclude after analyzing both the views, I assert that watching TV gives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect on youngsters.
Further
, I
strongly
suggest that parents
are encouraged
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
useful programs.
However
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to limit the time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend on TV.
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IELTS essay Some people say that watching television is beneficial for children but others say that it has more drawbacks.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
429 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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  • Some people say that watching television is beneficial for children but others say that it has more drawbacks. Discuss both views and give your opinion.