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Some people say that the government should give priority to health care where others say they should spend on other important priorities. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

People are divided on the issue of the allocation of funds for healthcare by the government. Some are of the opinion that when it comes to spending money government should priorities the healthcare whereas others believe that they should allocate funds to other vital areas like poverty or education. This essay intends to discuss both the point of view. To begin with, there are number of reasons why government should priorities the health sector. It directly or indirectly affects the common people of country and it is government's duty to take care of their citizens. Secondly, health sector is vital and it takes time to develop this sector. Finally, lot of poor and middle class depend on government when it comes to healthcare. For example, Poor people who do afford private hospitals have to go to the government hospitals. Similarly, medicine's prices are too high for common people and it requires government’s assistance in that. On the other hand, some people suggest that funds should be allocated to other vital sector like education and poverty. It is appropriate if the nation has already a good health sector. For instance, Countries like USA and England who already has very good health care system, it is ok for them to give priority to other area. However, when it comes to developing nations priority should be on heath of the people. As health people can help nation to grow and can help government to fight other important problems. All in all, I believe that if country does have a good healthcare system, government should focus on improving that. Because without healthy citizen focusing on other sector will not help government in long term.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are divided
on the issue of the allocation of funds for healthcare by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
are of the opinion that when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to spending money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
priorities
the healthcare whereas others believe that they should allocate funds to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
vital areas like poverty or education. This essay intends to discuss both the point of view.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are
It seems that an article is missing. Did you mean “a number of”?
number of
reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
priorities
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
. It
directly
or
indirectly
affects the common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
country and
it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
's duty to take care of their citizens.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
is
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
vital and
it takes time to develop this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
.
Finally
,
It seems that an article is missing.
lot of
poor and middle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
depend on
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government
when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to healthcare.
For example
, Poor
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people
who do afford private hospitals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
go to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
hospitals.
Similarly
, medicine's prices are too high for common
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
people and
it requires
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government’s
assistance in that.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suggest that funds should
be allocated
to
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other
vital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
like education and poverty. It is appropriate if the nation has already a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
.
For instance
, Countries
A determiner is probably missing here: “like the USA”.
like USA
and England who already has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care system, it is ok for them to give
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priority
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
area.
However
, when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to developing
An apostrophe may be missing.
nations
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
priority
should be on heath of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
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people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
nation to grow and can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to fight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
problems.

All in all, I believe that if country does have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
healthcare system,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should focus on improving that.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
without healthy citizen focusing on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
in long term.
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IELTS essay Some people say that the government should give priority to health care where others say they should spend on other important priorities.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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