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Some people say that the extended family is not as important now as it once was. Others think that its worth has not been changed because people always need help from their family members. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people say that the extended family is not as important now as it once was. Others think that its worth has not been changed because people always need help from their family members. 2lVJX
In recent decades, people often have different perspectives on whether the importance of the extended family has changed or still remains valuable. Although a number of people stated that this kind of family is worthwhile since people always need their family members, I believe that the extended family has been less likely to be essential as before. On the one hand, there is a wide belief that the extended family appears with an important role towards each single person’s life. Undoubtedly, maintaining the existence of the extended family symbolizes the preservation of wonderful moral traditions of a country. In such a traditional country like Vietnam, it is critical to highly appreciate the relationships between family members, in which the extended family represents the indispensable value. Furthermore, the more modern the society is, the more need for grandparents to be sought. Obviously, when parents are busy with working for livelihood, grandparents appear as a third party that is trustworthy and devoted to take care of the children in the family. On the other hand, I would side with those who believe that the role of the extended family has gradually been less important than it used to be. It is evident that the young generation these days often has a tendency to separate themselves apart from their family members. As a result, the youngsters rarely keep strong bonds with senior relations, which implies the less importance of relationships towards the extended family. Moreover, a large number of young people decide to leave their families as well as hometowns to seek potential education and career opportunities. To demonstrate, according to a recent survey, about 20% of Chinese students have a desire to move to another place to live and work or study, regardless of how far from their families, which shows the extended family is less likely to be necessary with those youngsters. To conclude, while maintaining the existence of the extended family allows society to conserve valuable traditions, it is undeniable that the role of the extended family has steadily been less essential in such a hustled society.
In recent decades,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
perspectives on whether the importance of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
or
still
remains valuable. Although a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
stated that this kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is worthwhile since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
always need their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members, I believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
has been
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
likely to be essential as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.

On the one hand, there is a wide belief that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
appears with an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role towards each single person’s life.
Undoubtedly
, maintaining the existence of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
symbolizes the preservation of wonderful moral traditions of a country. In such a traditional country like Vietnam, it is critical to
highly
appreciate the relationships between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members, in which the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
represents the indispensable value.
Furthermore
, the more modern the society is, the more need for grandparents to
be sought
.
Obviously
, when parents are busy with working for livelihood, grandparents appear as a third party
that is
trustworthy and devoted to take care of the children in the family.

On the other hand
, I would side with those who believe that the role of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
has
gradually
been
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to be. It is evident that the young generation these days
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
has a tendency to separate themselves apart from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members.
As a result
, the youngsters rarely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
strong bonds with senior relations, which implies the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
importance of relationships towards the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
Moreover
,
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
decide to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
as well
as hometowns to seek potential education and career opportunities. To demonstrate, according to a recent survey, about 20% of Chinese students have a desire to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to another place to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
and work or study, regardless of how far from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
likely to be necessary with those youngsters.

To conclude
, while maintaining the existence of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
society to conserve valuable traditions, it is undeniable that the role of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
has
steadily
been
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
essential in such a hustled society.
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IELTS essay Some people say that the extended family is not as important now as it once was. Others think that its worth has not been changed because people always need help from their family members.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
347 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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