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Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required.

It is important for every government to monitor, improve and track the health of their public. While some people believe that increasing the number of sports centers is the best strategy to improve public health, I personally believe that this would have little impact and other actions would be needed. A number of people believe that by building more sports facilities, the graph of public health will go up. This is because there will be more opportunities to exercise which will improve health. For example, if there are Rugby competitions in every area or town of the country, there will be more participation and more people will have opportunity to exercise. However, if there are lesser places for sports not many people will be able to participate and therefore public health cannot be majorly improved. On the contrary, I personally believe that increasing the number of sports facilities will have very low effect on public health and other measures would be required. This is due to the fact that sports or exercise is not the only factor which contributes to public health and therefore other actions would be required. Firstly, motivation is needed for playing sports. For instance, USA might have thousands of gyms across the country but they still have the highest obesity rate. Secondly, diet control and smoking habits of a population needs to be controlled. For example, Australia has imposed the highest tax on tobacco and cigarettes compared to the rest of the world in order to reduce smoking by their inhabitants. In conclusion, although increasing the sports facilities will have some effect on public health I think that this will not be significant and more efforts such as motivation to exercise, diet control and limiting smoking habits would be needed in order to achieve this.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for every
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to monitor,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that increasing the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
centers is the best strategy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
, I
personally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that this would have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
impact and other actions would
be needed
.

A number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that by building more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities, the graph of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
will go up. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there will be more opportunities to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
For example
, if there are Rugby competitions in every area or town of the country, there will be more participation and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will have opportunity to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
.
However
, if there are lesser places for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will be able to participate and
therefore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
cannot be
majorly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
.

On the contrary
, I
personally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that increasing the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities will have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
low effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and other measures would
be required
.
This is due to the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
is not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
factor which contributes to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and
therefore
other actions would
be required
.
Firstly
, motivation
is needed
for playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
For instance
, USA might have thousands of gyms across the country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
still
have the highest obesity rate.
Secondly
, diet control and smoking habits of a population needs to
be controlled
.
For example
, Australia has imposed the highest tax on tobacco and cigarettes compared to the rest of the world in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
smoking by their inhabitants.

In conclusion
, although increasing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities will have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that this will not be significant and more efforts such as motivation to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
, diet control and limiting smoking habits would
be needed
in order to achieve this.
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IELTS essay Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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