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Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required oBKb
These days, public health concern is the one of the most controversial issues which governments are confronting with. While some people assert development of sport amenities is the main factor to possess a healthy society, others including me, believe that it is not sufficient and other significant items contribute to boost citizen's health condition. Advocates of this believe that due to the access to the modern and well-equipped gym and sport centers, people could have an opportunity to spend their free time as a sport activist. Also, nowadays because of high rate of living costs some people could not cover their basic needs, so their budget does not stretch to pay for extra activities. Moreover, if authorities facilitate individual's access to the free sport facilities, people would encourage to do it. For example, government could allocate extra fund to some popular sports such as swimming by establishing new free pools which residents could boost their immune system by going swimming in their leisure time. However, in my opinion, merely doing physical activities does not lead to attaining healthy body. Improving public health requires to more fundamental infrastructures which government have to consider. One of the most remarkable factors to growth of health condition's rate is providing healthy food and organic products for habitats by devoting dedicated budget to modern agriculture and producing organic products. For instance, by annoying of consumption unhealthy and fast foods people might not suffer from some common diseases such as diabetes and heart attack. In conclusion, focusing on providing sport facilities would not have expected effects on the health condition's rate. In my opinion, government and people have to consider another substantial measure than physical activities to have a healthy lifestyle.
These days, public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
concern is the one of the most controversial issues which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
are confronting with. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
assert development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
amenities is the main factor to possess a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
society, others including me, believe that it is not sufficient and other significant items contribute to boost citizen's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
condition.

Advocates of this
Did you mean "belief" (noun) instead of believe (verb)?
believe
that due to the access to the modern and well-equipped gym and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
centers,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could have an opportunity to spend their free time as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
activist.
Also
, nowadays
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of high rate of living costs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could not cover their basic needs,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
their budget does not stretch to pay for extra activities.
Moreover
, if authorities facilitate individual's access to the free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
facilities,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would encourage to do it.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
could allocate extra fund to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
such as swimming by establishing new free pools which residents could boost their immune system by going swimming in their leisure time.

However
, in my opinion,
merely
doing physical activities does not lead to attaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
body. Improving public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
requires to more fundamental infrastructures which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
consider. One of the most remarkable factors to growth of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
condition's rate is providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
food and organic products for habitats by devoting dedicated budget to modern agriculture and producing organic products.
For instance
, by annoying of consumption unhealthy and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
foods
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
might not suffer from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
common diseases such as diabetes and heart attack.

In conclusion
, focusing on providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
facilities would not have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
effects on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
condition's rate. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
consider another substantial measure than physical activities to have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
lifestyle.
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IELTS essay Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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