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Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required.

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Lromp
Nowadays, it is usual to see people debating on public health domain. Some of them hold the opinion that in order to improve public health, there should be increasing number of sports centres in community. Whereas, others believe that alternative strategies will be a right choice. Thus, in coming paragraphs both sides of the argument will be examined followed by my personal opinion. On the one hand, there should be increase in number of sports facilities in the society due to the fact that it help in overcome the health challenges. In other words, sports involve high intensity physical activities that help in betterment of physical health. Furthermore, it is also a remedy to treat certain physical problems. For example, in Germany, a number of community sports complexes are there. Therefore, health related issues are less in that nation. Additionally, Physical Therapists also advice to get involve in sports activities to treat muscular problems such as muscle weakness and tightness. On the other hand, due to the fact that sports have slight and gradual impact on health thats why some people prefer alternatives like various medications and quality food. In other words, a balanced diet and certain drugs for health such as multi-vitamins and weight reduction pills will promote health more rapidly and efficiently. For instance, a research study from Canada disclosed that health improved much faster in those who used suppliments and a balanced diet than those who just focused on sports and exercise. In conclusion, both the opinions holders are right at their places on the basis of their mindsets and personal experiences. Although, what i personally believe that sport activities along with nutritious diet and suppliments would increase health quality much better and faster.
Nowadays, it is usual to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
debating on public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
domain.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of them hold the opinion that in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
, there should be increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
in community.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
, others believe that alternative strategies will be a right choice.
Thus
, in coming paragraphs both sides of the argument will
be examined
followed by my personal opinion.

On the one hand, there should be increase in number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities in the society due to the fact that it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in overcome the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
challenges. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
involve high intensity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activities that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in betterment of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
Furthermore
, it is
also
a remedy to treat certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
problems.
For example
, in Germany, a number of community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
complexes are there.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
related issues are less in that nation.
Additionally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Physical
Therapists
also
advice to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involve in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
activities to treat muscular problems such as muscle weakness and tightness.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, due to the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
have slight and gradual impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
Possible spelling mistake found
thats
why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
prefer alternatives like various medications and quality food. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, a balanced diet and certain drugs for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
such as multi-vitamins and weight reduction pills will promote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
more
rapidly
and
efficiently
.
For instance
, a research study from Canada disclosed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
much faster in those who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
Possible spelling mistake found.
suppliments
and a balanced diet than those who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
focused on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and exercise.

In conclusion
, both the opinions holders are right at their places on the basis of their mindsets and personal experiences. Although, what
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
personally
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
activities along with nutritious diet and
Possible spelling mistake found.
suppliments
would increase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
quality much better and faster.
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IELTS essay Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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