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Some people say that success in a person’s life as an adult is a result of how he was brought up by his parents. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people say that success in a person’s life as an adult is a result of how he was brought up by his parents. abLm
It is true that some people are possessing opinion that success of children is dependent on their upbringing. I completely disagree with a statement, I opine that success can be achieved by hard-work. There is no substitute of hard-work. I will discuss my viewpoints with an appropriate example in subsequent paragraphs. On the one hand, you will find many individuals who had achieved success owing to support of their parents. Many parents tend to support their child during upbringing which may lead them to be a prosperous person in future. Support could have been offered in terms of money, motivations and so on. On the other hand, I opine that hard-work is the key for success. Firstly, you will find many famous people who had achieved their success owing to their interest, passion and hard-work. It is not mandatory for them to seek parental support to become successful. For instance, Mahendra singh Dhoni became renowned cricketer because of his ruthless approach and passion towards the game. Secondly, teachers as well as friends can also be a source of success for some people. Furthermore, It has been observed that many people use to seek the guidance from their friends or tutors who tend to more aware about his or her interest. Ultimately, they provide paramount support to individual and he or she may come out as a successful person in foreseeable future. It is needless to state that friends or teachers can furnish more practical solutions to any person. All in all, although successful person can attribute their success to their parents, there are a plethora of persons who became famous in their respective field with their consistent hard-work and passion. Sometimes friends and teachers also play vital role in forming success to anyone.
It is true that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
The verb 'possessing' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
are possessing
opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
of children is dependent on their upbringing. I completely disagree with a statement, I opine that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
can
be achieved
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
-work. There is no substitute of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
-work. I will discuss my viewpoints with an appropriate example in subsequent paragraphs.

On the one hand, you will find
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
had achieved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
owing to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
of their parents.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
parents tend to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
their child during upbringing which may lead them to be a prosperous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Support
could have
been offered
in terms of money, motivations and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.

On the other hand
, I opine that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
-work is the key for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
.
Firstly
, you will find
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
had achieved their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
owing to their interest, passion and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
-work. It is not mandatory for them to seek parental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
to become successful.
For instance
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Mahendra
Possible spelling mistake found.
singh
Possible spelling mistake found.
Dhoni
became renowned cricketer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of his ruthless approach and passion towards the game.
Secondly
, teachers
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
can
also
be a source of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Furthermore
, It has
been observed
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
to seek the guidance from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
or tutors
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
tend to more aware about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
interest.
Ultimately
, they provide paramount
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
to
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
individual and
he or she may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
out as a successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
in foreseeable future. It is needless to state that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
or teachers can furnish more practical solutions to any person.

All in all, although successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
can attribute their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
to their parents, there are a plethora of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
persons
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
became
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
in their respective field with their consistent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
-work and passion.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
and teachers
also
play vital role in forming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
to anyone.
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IELTS essay Some people say that success in a person’s life as an adult is a result of how he was brought up by his parents.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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