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Some people say that schools should reward students who show the best academic results, while others believe that it is more important to reward students who show improvements. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people say that schools should reward students who show the best academic results, while others believe that it is more important to reward students who show improvements. K2dM
Rewarding a student on the basis of their scores is done from ancient times. Here, fewer people come forward with an argument that the student gets the best academic results should be rewarded while other people are in the favour of giving reward to the students who show improvement in their scores. I believe, the topper students should be rewarded but rewarding the students on the basis of improvements is also unavoidable. The principal reason for the people who give priority to the toppers in terms of remuneration is that the mediocre student gets motivated when the best-scored student is rewarded. Therefore after taking inspiration from this incident, the students who are not good at studies I will work hard and put enormous effort to achieve good results in upcoming exams. On the flip side, the people who thought it is more important to reward students on the basis of their improvements give reason that the remuneration of the student who shows improvement in their academic results will encourage them to do top in the next exam. Additionally, it will also give a feeling of pride to the parents of that student. As per my point of view the topper student should definitely be rewarded but we should also acknowledge the effort made by mediocre students so that they will feel that they are also capable of achieving good or even best marks in the exams. For example one of my friend gets 50% in the first semester exam but manages to reach 80% in the second semester exam then this gives due recognition to his hard work and also inspires a wider group of students in my class. To conclude it is necessary to give reward to both types of students, the toppers and the students who show progress in their results.
Rewarding a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
on the basis of their scores
is done
from ancient times. Here, fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
forward with an argument that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
the best academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
results
should
be rewarded
while other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are in the
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of giving reward to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improvement
in their scores. I believe, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
topper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should
be rewarded
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
rewarding the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
on the basis of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improvements
is
also
unavoidable.

The principal reason for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
priority to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toppers
in terms of remuneration is that the mediocre
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
motivated when the best-scored
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
is rewarded
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
after taking inspiration from this incident, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at studies I will work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and put enormous effort to achieve
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
results
in upcoming exams.

On the flip side, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
it is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to reward
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
on the basis of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improvements
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
reason that the remuneration of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improvement
in their academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
results
will encourage them to do top in the
next
exam.
Additionally
, it will
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
a feeling of pride to the parents of that student.

As per my point of view the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
topper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
should definitely
be rewarded
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we should
also
acknowledge the effort made by mediocre
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they will feel that they are
also
capable of achieving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
or even best marks in the exams.
For example
one of my friend
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
50% in the
first
semester exam
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
manages to reach 80% in the second semester exam then this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gives
due recognition to his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work and
also
inspires a wider group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
.

To conclude
it is necessary to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
reward to both types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toppers
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
progress in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
results
.

IELTS essay Some people say that schools should reward students who show the best academic results, while others believe that it is more important to reward students who show improvements.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
303 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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