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Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organized group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Leisure time plays a pivotal role in physical and mental well-being of children. Some people assert that children ought to be motivated to attend activities arranged for groups; whereas, other argues that they should acquire the ability to entertain themselves. This essay will discuss both the views and emphasize my opinion. On one hand, parents these days prefer their juvenile to participate in team activities as they are vital for building skills in non-academic, but equally important areas. As this allow children to socialize with people in their immediate vicinity. It is evident from an article published that these children who involve in liaison are able to share their idea and able to express themselves freely. Furthermore, these activities boost the confidence and develop various interpersonal skills. To illustrate, by participating in sports and joining clubs a child inculcate communication, co-operation and conflict management skills. On the other hand, it is suggested by some that there are various benefits for children to do solitary activities in their free time. Firstly, this improves their concentration skills. Reading is the most obvious example of an activity requiring this ability which tends to help youngsters with studying for difficult exams. In addition to this, these unplanned activities followed by their mood, increase productivity and can be a source of creativity and innovation. To exemplify, some children who are artistic in nature will recognize and develop their interest in activities like painting, drawing or music, if they are freedom to spend their leisure time independently. To conclude, considering the above mentioned discussion although, different people have different perspective for utilizing this free time; however, I personally believe a child should spend some time alone as well as they are exhorted for collaborative activities for overall development.
Leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
plays a pivotal role in physical and mental well-being of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
assert that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
ought to
be motivated
to attend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
arranged for groups; whereas, other argues that they should acquire the ability to entertain themselves. This essay will discuss both the views and emphasize my opinion.

On one hand, parents these days prefer their juvenile to participate in team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
as they are vital for building
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in non-academic,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
areas.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to socialize with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in their immediate vicinity. It is evident from an article published that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who involve in liaison are able to share their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
and able to express themselves
freely
.
Furthermore
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
boost the confidence and develop various interpersonal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. To illustrate, by participating in sports and joining clubs a child inculcate communication, co-operation and conflict management
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

On the other hand
, it
is suggested
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that there are various benefits for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to do solitary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
in their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
Firstly
, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
their concentration
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. Reading is the most obvious example of an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
requiring this ability which tends to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
youngsters with studying for difficult exams.
In addition
to this, these unplanned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
followed by their mood, increase productivity and can be a source of creativity and innovation. To exemplify,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who are artistic in nature will recognize and develop their interest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
like painting, drawing or music, if they are freedom to spend their leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
independently
.

To conclude
, considering the above mentioned discussion although,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
perspective for utilizing this free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
;
however
, I
personally
believe a child should spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
alone
as well
as they
are exhorted
for collaborative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
for
overall
development.
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IELTS essay Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organized group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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