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Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organized group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Nowadays, children are motivated by their parents to take part in team activities in their free time. Whereas, other believe that children can be learned occupied their own self. This essay highlight the both the views and, I believe children can learn more in group activities. To commence with, children take part in group activities can developed their skills. To be more precise, by taking part in some group activities they can learn the communication skills which will help them in the future. In addition, children also learn teamwork which built and increase their confidence. For instance, a children playing in team they have confidence that they can win the match and work as team. On the other hand, children occupy by themselves can create talents for them. In other words, the children try to learn by themselves can develop creativity, and they become more focused on their particular subject that they are interested in. Moreover, by self occupying children not required company of their other friends. For example, if children has to learn new things, so he can do it alone without depending on their friends. In my opinion, children in group can learn newer activities, and they can be more independent whereas, they cannot develop their skills individually. In conclusion, by working in group a child can learn new skills and it creates the confidence as well as by self occupying they can learn but not too as much as in group.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are motivated
by their parents to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
in their free time.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
be learned
occupied their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
self. This essay highlight the both the views and, I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
more in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
activities.

To commence with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
can developed their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
. To be more precise, by taking part in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
the communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in the future.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
teamwork which built and increase their confidence.
For instance
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
playing in team they have confidence that they can win the match and work as team.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
occupy by themselves can create talents for them. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
try to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
by themselves can develop creativity, and they become more focused on their particular subject that they
are interested
in.
Moreover
, by self occupying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
not required
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
friends.
For example
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
new things,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
he can do it alone without depending on their friends.

In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
newer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, and they can be more independent whereas, they cannot develop their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
individually
.

In conclusion
, by working in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
a child can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and it creates the confidence
as well
as by self occupying they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not too as much as in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
.
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IELTS essay Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organized group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
244 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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