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Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

There is no doubt that music is known to be part of our life for many years and we grow up with various music genres from children's music, to modern and classical music. I agree that songs commonly used to connect people from different countries and generations together because of the information that music can bring and through live events. This first argument connects with the role of music that brings people together because they can gain knowledge from the song. This is because clearly if we listen to songs from different countries and genres, we will learn many things such as the language of the songs and the popular genres of the country. For example, different countries have different kinds of music genres and how the songs were composed and it is the easiest way for us to learn cultures and experience classic music without visiting the countries and time travel to the past. Thus, this awareness will make us respect the diversity we have even before visiting the other side of the world. Moving on to the next point, the purpose of live concerts often to bring people from different traditions and generations together under one roof. The reason for this is that musical event are a great place for people to have human-to-human interactions. For instance, often international and local singers make tours around the world and cities and they have fans from all races and backgrounds to watch their performance, setting aside their differences for a moment and singing and dancing along with the performance. In conclusion, arts such as music are a vehicle for sharing our own culture and experiencing others which teaches us about the uniqueness of each culture, and live concerts are a place where we share our interests with others.
There is no doubt that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is known
to be part of our life for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
years and
we grow up with various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
genres from children's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, to modern and classical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that songs
commonly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to connect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and generations together
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the information that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can bring and through
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
.

This
first
argument connects with the role of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
that brings
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
together
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can gain knowledge from the song. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
clearly
if we listen to songs from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and genres, we will learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things such as the language of the songs and the popular genres of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
genres and how the songs were
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
composed and
it is the easiest way for us to learn cultures and experience classic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
without visiting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and time travel to the past.
Thus
, this awareness will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
us respect the diversity we have even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
visiting the other side of the world.

Moving on to the
next
point, the purpose of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
concerts
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
to bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
traditions and generations together under one roof.
The reason for this is
that musical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
are a great place for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to have human-to-human interactions.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
international and local singers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
tours around the world and
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
cities and
they have fans from all races and backgrounds to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
their performance, setting aside their differences for a moment and singing and dancing along with the performance.

In conclusion
, arts such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
are a vehicle for sharing our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
culture and experiencing others which teaches us about the uniqueness of each culture, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
concerts are a place where we share our interests with others.
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IELTS essay Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. with this opinion?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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