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Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion.

"Music is an art which feels like a therapy"Music is a way of expressing ones feelings and thoughts. It can connect millions of people with one mood, It can help people heal, also it tells us about our worlds culture. People believe that music is an excellent way of connecting person from different cultures and age groups together. The subsequent paragraph elaborates more on the view with an appropriate illustration. Music can be very good if taken positively, But can be dangerous if it feel negative. Music has become a vital aspect of our life from several years now. We have learned so much from it about the different cultures in our world, about how music helps an individual heal, about how we connect to music. People tend to imagine their own situation while listening to a song. For instance, I have seen people recover from depression, anxiety attacks and many other health and psychological problems through music. And they end up becoming an amazing musicians as they see music as their everything. Music has become a way of expression. It has connected us with ourselves but individual who attaches the music with negative thoughts can worsen the situation instead of helping them. Like, I have seen people committing suicide because they got a negative vibe, a negative feeling while listening to some song. This can be diverting them from people and culture. In my opinion, music can be a good way to connect people with each other and themselves. It can also attach them to their culture. While on the other hand it can lead to disconnection from everything. So, music should be such that people can feel good and blessed.
Use a smart opening quote here.
"
Music is an art which feels like a therapy
Use a smart closing quote here.
"
Music is a way of expressing
Did you mean “one’s”?
ones
feelings and thoughts. It can connect millions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with one mood, It can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
heal,
also
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tells
us about our worlds
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is an excellent way of connecting person from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
and age groups together. The subsequent paragraph elaborates more on the view with an appropriate illustration.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
if taken
positively
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
if it
After ‘it’, use the third-person verb form “feels”.
feel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
has become a vital aspect of our life from several years
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
. We have learned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much from it about the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
in our world, about how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
an individual heal, about how we connect to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
tend to imagine their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
situation while listening to a song.
For instance
, I have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
recover from depression, anxiety attacks and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other health and psychological problems through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. And they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up becoming
The plural noun “musicians” cannot be used with the article “an”. Did you mean “an amazing musician” or “amazing musicians”?
an amazing musicians
as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
as their everything.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
has become a way of expression. It has connected us with ourselves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
individual who attaches the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
thoughts can worsen the situation
instead
of helping them. Like, I have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
committing suicide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
vibe, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
feeling while listening to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
song. This can be diverting them from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way to connect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with each other and themselves. It can
also
attach them to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
on the other hand
it can lead to disconnection from everything.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
should be such that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can feel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and blessed.
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IELTS essay Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. with this opinion.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
282 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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