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Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Music has no language. Some people believe that a good path of collaborating various cultures and ages is music. I agree with the statement though people have different views about the function of music. There are a number of reasons for this matter that shows how different cultures are mixing together through music. First of all, music helps to know more about the variety of cultures people are having now. Different zones of music are making in various society. For instance, a lot of music videos are releasing on YouTube nowadays and young to old all ages of people are watching those videos which helps them to know more about foreign lifestyle and their behaviour. It is also noticeable that music reflects the thinking of human because it the best way to share a persons idea with others. Anybody can say what they want through music and it will be beneficial for both the writer and for the listener. If someone make a music about his situation and publish on social platforms, then the viewers will easily understand what the meaning of this music and it will be unforgettable. Besides this, there is no discrimination in music. A rich person or a poor can be e fan of any kind of music such as in a concert all status of people can enjoy the function with full enjoyment. On the other hand, some people have different taste of music specially young people love rock music while old people like classical music which sometimes fail to meet the expectations of the audience. It is obvious that this reason divide people into different parts. To sum up, I believe that music is the best way to mixing cultures and ages, though there are some particular views.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
has no language.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
path of collaborating various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
and ages is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
views about the function of music.

There are a number of reasons for this matter that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
are mixing together through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
Often, this adverbial phrase is redundant. Consider using “first”.
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to know more about the variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are having
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Different
zones of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
are making in various society.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
videos are releasing on YouTube nowadays and young to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
all ages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are watching those videos which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to know more about foreign lifestyle and their
Possible spelling mistake. ‘behaviour’ is British English.
behaviour
. It is
also
noticeable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
reflects the thinking of human
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
Did you mean “it is the”, “in the” or “the”?
it the
best way to share a
An apostrophe may be missing.
persons
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
with others. Anybody can say what they want through
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
music and
it will be beneficial for both the writer and for the listener. If someone
The pronoun ‘someone’ is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: “makes”, “made”.
make
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
about his situation and publish on social platforms, then the viewers will
easily
understand what the meaning of this
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
music and
it will be unforgettable.
Besides
this, there is no discrimination in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. A rich person or a poor can be e fan of any kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
such as in a concert all status of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can enjoy the function with full enjoyment.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
taste of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
specially
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
rock
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like classical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
fail to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the expectations of the audience. It is obvious that this reason divide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
parts.

To sum up, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is the best way to mixing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
and ages, though there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
particular views.
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IELTS essay Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages. with this opinion?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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