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Some people say that individuals who make a lot of money are most successful. Others think that those who contribute to society like scientists and teachers are most successful. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people say that individuals who make a lot of money are most successful. Others think that those who contribute to society like scientists and teachers are most successful. KbV6
At present, many people argue that the most successful people earn a lot of money, while others believe that success depends on various other factors. In response to this statement, the essay will elaborate on both sides of the phenomenon to maintain that proclaiming an absolute stance will undermine the complexity of the issue at hand. To commence with, people have a materialistic mindset in modern society. They determine a person’s success on the basis of his possessions. For instance, a person is judged to be successful if he owns tangible assets such as a luxury car or a modern house. Therefore, individuals are made to believe that their success depends on their earnings or possessions. On the other hand, many people are successful without earning a great deal of money. Specifically, scientists are considered to succeed due to the fact that they receive high respect from citizens for their social contribution. For instance, a group of Vietnamese environment experts at Hanoi University proposed and applied the innovative biological treatment system using the submerged plants to remove contaminating water in the To Lich river for 3 years spanning from 2016 to 2019. Without their effort, 3 million dwellers around Hanoi may face issues of water security because this river is the main water source. Consequently, people who are respected and revered by others regarded as successful one. In conclusion, the essay has maintained the impartial stance due to the byzantine nature of this issue: on the one hand, successful people determined as a person who earnings a great deal of money in modern society due to the materialism trend; on the other hand, various people are successful by the high social status instead of huge money.
At present,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, while others believe that success depends on various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
factors. In response to this statement, the essay will elaborate on both sides of the phenomenon to maintain that proclaiming an absolute stance will undermine the complexity of the issue at hand.

To commence with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a materialistic mindset in modern society. They determine a person’s success on the basis of his possessions.
For instance
, a person
is judged
to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
if he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owns
tangible assets such as a luxury car or a modern
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
.
Therefore
, individuals
are made
to believe that their success depends on their earnings or possessions.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
without earning a great deal of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
Specifically
, scientists
are considered
to succeed due to the fact that they receive high respect from citizens for their social contribution.
For instance
, a group of Vietnamese environment experts at Hanoi University proposed and applied the innovative biological treatment system using the submerged plants to remove contaminating water in the To
Possible spelling mistake found.
Lich
river for 3 years spanning from 2016 to 2019. Without their effort, 3 million dwellers around Hanoi may face issues of water security
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this river is the main water source.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
are respected
and revered by others regarded as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
one.

In conclusion
, the essay has maintained the impartial stance due to the
Possible incorrect capitalization. Some adjectives that are derived from proper nouns can have both an initial capital letter and an initial lower case letter. If there is a close association with the proper noun, use "Byzantine".
byzantine
nature of this issue: on the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
determined as a person who earnings a great deal of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in modern society due to the materialism trend; on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
by the high social status
instead
of huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
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IELTS essay Some people say that individuals who make a lot of money are most successful. Others think that those who contribute to society like scientists and teachers are most successful.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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