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Some people say that all young people should have full-time education until they are 18 years old . Dis or agree

Some people say that all young people should have full-time education until they are 18 years old. Dis or agree kx6MR
The 21st century has witnessed an unprecedented increase in education. This has created a general concern among those who claim that students should study from the whole day in school with which I completely agree. This essay elaborate on the reasons for my personal perspective and analysis of a common counter- argument. The main reason for this phenomenon is that students can be successful in the future if they go to full-time education. Children not only have more knowledge about: Math, Chemistry, Biology which are very important on entrance exams to a decent university but they also learn various social skills as well as soft skills such as: teamwork, leadership, and computer skills. In the other words, these skills help them a lot in their future career because nowadays, some jobs or positions require employees to be confidence, good at working on a team. For example, my cousin's school studies the whole day so she understands and knows a lot more things than students who only study "part-time", therefore, she finds a decent job with high salaries. It clearly proves that learning full-time helps youngsters improve both knowledge and skills. Opponents might argue that if children spend almost all their time at school, they cannot have freedom which leads to stress and depression. However, this argument is rather short-sighted: students who do not reach adulthood should stay at school to be safe. Nowadays, there are several child rape case as well as abduction but some parents do not have time to take care them and come back home quite late. According to statistics, around 20% of female children are being raped when they live alone at home. It clearly proves that full-time schools can give juniors a certain degree of protection while their parents go to work. Therefore, it is obvious that studying full-time will reduce the burden on society as well as help parents feel secure to work in the company. To conclude, it is not to say that other points of views are totally without merit. Nevertheless, the reasons I have presented could support the position of young people should not always be required to finish full-time studies until 18-year-old.
The 21st century has witnessed an unprecedented increase in education. This has created a general concern among those who claim that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
from the whole

day in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
with which I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
. This essay elaborate on the reasons for my personal perspective and analysis of a common counter- argument.

The main reason for this phenomenon is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can be successful in the future if they go to full-time education. Children not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
have more knowledge about: Math, Chemistry, Biology which are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
on entrance exams to a decent university
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
also
learn various social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
as well
as soft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
such as: teamwork, leadership, and computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
. In the other words, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them a lot in their future career
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
jobs or positions require employees to be confidence,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at working on a team.
For example
, my cousin's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
the whole day
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
she understands and knows a lot more things than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
part-time
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
,
therefore
, she finds a decent job with high salaries. It
clearly
proves that learning full-time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
youngsters
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
both knowledge and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

Opponents might argue that if children spend almost all their time at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, they cannot have freedom which leads to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and depression.
However
, this argument is
rather
short-sighted:
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who do not reach adulthood should stay at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
to be safe. Nowadays, there are several child rape case
as well
as abduction
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
parents do not have time to take care them and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
back home quite late. According to statistics, around 20% of female children are
being raped
when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
alone at home. It
clearly
proves that full-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
can give juniors a certain degree of protection while their parents go to work.
Therefore
, it is obvious that studying full-time will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the burden on society
as well
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
parents feel secure to work in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

To conclude
, it is not to say that other points of views are
totally
without merit.
Nevertheless
, the reasons I have presented could support the position of young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should not always
be required
to finish full-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
until 18-year-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
.
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IELTS essay Some people say that all young people should have full-time education until they are 18 years old. Dis or agree

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
362 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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