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Some people say that advertising is extremely successful in persuading us to buy thing

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful in persuading us to buy thing x8oO9
The business strategies starts with the viewers and their actual attention. Many animated and visual of story of goods come in market to catch the mind of public. TO commence the market it is good to have bulletin. Once the products come in the vend that must be known to public either by announce or vedio so that the goods can get the proper merchandise. Firstly we have to think that maxmimum sale starts with its brand. Let's take the example of Apple Company. It's logo is fame all over the world. People have dream of latest version of it. Is it famous by its advertisement or its working mechanism. If any corporation needs to gain the profit there must be announce. Secondly nowadays, public are busy. They don't have time to see outlet of for sale goods. Moreover time is changing and many individual have their own smart gadgets. So they can hear and see from that device. Change in the advertisement process is quite required to get the appropriate on sale products. Thirdly the human resources should be actively participate for the extend of things either by selling from online or by visiting each and every public doors. So that we can gain the real income from the customers. In conclusion the market initiate with public and the policies to facinate them begin with bulletin. To get better vend advertisement is quite necessary.
The business strategies
You should probably use "start".
starts
with the viewers and their actual attention.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
animated and visual of story of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "comes"? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so 'come' is not always incorrect.)
come
in market to catch the mind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
. TO commence the market it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
to have bulletin. Once the products
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
in
After 'the', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'vend' is correct. If 'vend' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
the vend
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be known
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
either by announce or
Possible spelling mistake found.
vedio
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the proper merchandise.
Firstly
we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
Possible spelling mistake found.
maxmimum
sale
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
with its brand.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
's take the example of Apple
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Company
.
Did you mean "Its"?
It's
logo is fame all over the world.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
have dream of
A determiner is probably missing here: "the latest".
latest
version of it. Is it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
by its advertisement or its working mechanism.
“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
any corporation needs to gain the profit there
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
Consider using the past participle "announced"?
announce
.
Secondly
nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
are busy. They don't have time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
outlet of for sale
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
time is changing and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individual have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
smart gadgets.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
they can hear and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
from that device.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Change
in the advertisement process is quite required to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the appropriate on sale products.
Thirdly
the human resources should be
actively
Consider using a past participle here: "participated".
participate
for
After 'the', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'extend' is correct. If 'extend' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
the extend
of things either by selling from online or by visiting each and every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
doors.
“So that” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
So that
we can gain the real income from the customers.
In conclusion
the market initiate with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
and the policies to
Possible spelling mistake found.
facinate
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with bulletin. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
better vend advertisement is quite necessary.
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IELTS essay Some people say that advertising is extremely successful in persuading us to buy thing

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
235 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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