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In some societies, fashion are becoming more and more important in choosing clothes. Why is it case? Do you think it is positive or negative development?

In some societies, fashion are becoming more and more important in choosing clothes. Why is it case? Do you think it is positive or negative development? m3Y9d
Nowadays, the growth of fashion become more significantly. It seems from the development of fashion. Than, it also the essential things to choose the clothes. In Indonesia, fashion style are spreading up highly. The case that cause and it become positive or negative side will be discuss in the essays. The case that make the fashion growing more faster because of the function of fashion. At present time, fashion become famous because when people using fashion they will look more pretty and stylish. Fashion also can increase human-self-estimate. On the other side, from growing up the fashion it also open many job vacancy for people. Than it solve, the lessworked person problems. However, all growing up from fashion will give a positive and negative impact. The positive impact from fashion development is exploring the creative way for making unusual and comfort cloths. Also, it become a way to learn how to produce and marketing the product. Then, the negative side from development of fashion will make the funding become more decrease and people can get addict by fashion. Especially woman who like fashion and always up to date with all new fashion. In conclusion about the development of fashion. In my opinion, it really needs to choose a style of clothes. Then, it has a positive impact such as increasing self estimate value. On the other side, the growth up of fashion will give a bad impact because can get addict, especially for woman.
Nowadays, the growth of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
more
significantly
. It seems from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
.
Did you mean "Then"?
Than
, it
also
the essential things to choose the clothes. In Indonesia,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
style are spreading up
highly
. The case that cause and it
Did you mean "becomes"?
become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
side will be
Consider using the past participle "discussed"?
discuss
in the essays.

The case that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
growing
Use only "faster" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more faster
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the function of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
. At present time,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
they will look more pretty and stylish.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Fashion
also
can increase human-self-estimate. On the other side, from growing up the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
it
also
open
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
job vacancy for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Did you mean "Then"?
Than
it solve, the
Possible spelling mistake found.
lessworked
person problems.

However
, all growing up from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
will give a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
impact
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
impact
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
is exploring the creative way for making unusual and comfort cloths.
Also
, it
Did you mean "becomes"?
become
a way to learn how to produce and marketing the product. Then, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
side from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the funding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
more decrease and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
addict by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
.
Especially
woman who like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
and always up to date with all new fashion.

In conclusion
about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
. In my opinion, it
really
needs to choose a style of clothes. Then, it has a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
impact
such as increasing self estimate value. On the other side, the growth up of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
will give a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
impact
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
addict,
especially
for woman.
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IELTS essay In some societies, fashion are becoming more and more important in choosing clothes. Why is it case? Do you think it is positive or negative development?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
244 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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