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Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both here views and give your own opinion

In the modern era, many businesses run successfully by attracting consumers through words, videos, and images that we call advertisement. Most consumers claim that advertisement is a big factor when it comes to their decisions into buying goods. While the others feel that advertisement does not give that much impact anymore in the light of how familiar they are to our everyday life. On one hand, advertisement has a big role in persuading people to buy goods by not only introducing the product but also promoting it with eye catching images, unforgettable catchphrases, and choosing a popular public figure as their ambassador. For example, Shopee as a successful e-commerce company uses the color orange for their logo which according to psychology is a color for attracting and giving attention, which they are proven successful. Shopee also uses Black Pink as their current star because of how popular the group is and it is proven to attract teenagers into checking their business. On the other hand, while the method that Shopee uses still gives a certain impact, modern society is no longer amazed by the advertisement unless people have known the product or business beforehand. This lack of attention from people is a cause from how many businesses use the same method of advertising. In conclusion, advertisement is a powerful media to promote products, destinations, and services. However, in order to successfully attract the consumers, businesses should not use similar methods when advertising their product as it will not be interesting enough for people to pay attention. Therefore, my advice as a consumer is for businesses to use an outstanding method for advertisement in order to bring attention to the products they have.
In the modern era,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
run
successfully
by attracting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumers
through words, videos, and images that we call
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumers
claim that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
factor when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to their decisions into buying
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
the others feel that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
does not give that much impact anymore in the light of how familiar they are to our everyday life.

On one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
role in persuading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
by not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
introducing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
promoting it with
‘eye catching’ seems to be a compound adjective in front of a noun. Use a hyphen: “eye-catching”.
eye catching
images, unforgettable catchphrases, and choosing a popular public figure as their ambassador.
For example
, Shopee as a successful e-commerce
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uses
the color orange for their logo which according to psychology is a color for attracting and giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attention
, which they
are proven
successful. Shopee
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uses
Black Pink as their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
star
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of how popular the group
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
is and
it
is proven
to attract
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
into checking their business.

On the other hand
, while the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
method
that Shopee
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uses
still
gives a certain impact, modern society is no longer amazed by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
unless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have known the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
beforehand. This lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attention
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If ‘people’ is plural here, don’t use the third-person singular verb.
is
a cause from how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
use
the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
method
of advertising.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
is a powerful media to promote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
, destinations, and services.
However
, in order to
successfully
attract the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumers
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
should not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
use
similar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
methods
when advertising their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
as it will not be interesting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to pay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attention
.
Therefore
, my advice as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumer
is for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
use
an outstanding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
method
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
in order to bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attention
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
they have.
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IELTS essay Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both here views and give your own opinion

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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