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Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it.

Today, advertise plays a big role for people who like to buy things. Some people assumed that advertising is successful at convincing buyers, but some people not. First of all, many companies want introduce their products by advertising online or offline, so that companies can get many consumers and profits. Personally, I think by advertising, company will earn more profits, especially these days. As we know, many people are watching their social media, such as Instagram and website. Moreover, many companies use celebrities to make buyers consume their products. For example, the one who is trending right now, she will be a brand ambassador of the product. Next, because of her popularity, many people will follow her, which is good for the company. As a result, the other companies will follow the way to get more buyers. However, some people think that advertising is too general, so people will feel bored and not to notice it. Some advertisers are too bored and outdated. As a consequence, people will skip them or just ignore them. Some people also being tough. For instance, people being hard because they think advertise is still advertise, which influences people to buy the product. But the fact, we do not know about the quality or how good it is. To conclude, for companies, they have to make advertising more unique, creative, details, and the most important one is be honest. If the product does not have benefits for people, do not tell people many benefits of the product, because it will make the impressions of buying from advertise. Lastly, it depends on people who like to buy things from advertising or not, and I am sure that they have their own reasons.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertise
plays a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
role for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
things.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
assumed that advertising is successful at convincing buyers,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
not.

Often, this adverbial phrase is redundant. Consider using “first”.
First of all
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
The verb “introduce” needs to be in the to-infinitive form.
want introduce
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
by advertising online or offline,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
consumers and profits.
Personally
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
by advertising,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
will earn more profits,
especially
these days. As we know,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are watching their social media, such as Instagram and website.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
celebrities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
buyers consume their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
.
For example
, the one who is trending right
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, she will be a brand ambassador of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
.
Next
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of her popularity,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will follow her, which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
.
As a result
, the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
will follow the way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more buyers.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that advertising is too general,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will feel bored and not to notice it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
advertisers are too bored and outdated. As a consequence,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will skip them or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
also
being tough.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertise
is
still
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertise
, which influences
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
the fact, we do not know about the quality or how
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
it is.

To conclude
, for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
advertising more unique, creative,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
, and the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
one is
Consider using either the past participle “been” or the present participle “being” here.
be
honest. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
does not have benefits for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the impressions of buying from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertise
.
Lastly
, it depends on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
things from advertising or not, and I am sure that they have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
reasons.
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IELTS essay Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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