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Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Nowadays, one of the strategy on business is giving a promo and doing advertisements for the product. Many people are attracted to buy some product that they think is useful and it is at a lower cost. I agree that some advertising product helps people in daily living and give more information about the products that in-demand to the industry. Giving promo or discounts to their products will encourage people to buy especially when they show how to use and how it will help to their daily living. Purchasing a product in a small amount of money is a good decision because some of the products are the same on how to use but it is not the same prices. For example, is advertising a vacuum cleaner, the people will be attracted to purchase because of affordable price and it will make their work easy and they will not waste their time too much, compared on using a bamboo broom, it is not easy to use. Another good thing about advertising products are people can be saved more money and it is convenient to use. Instead, they will purchase it at a higher cost and they get a discount, which is a lower amount compared to the real price. Also, people gain additional knowledge about new products. It will improve their lives every day and people can learn about new invention in the world. In conclusion, advertising products helps people to improve live everyday. They can purchase products in lower cost and they can get information about them. Also they consume their money on buying expensive products which is the same on the advertisements.
Nowadays, one of the strategy on business is giving a promo and doing advertisements for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are attracted
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
is
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
useful and
it is at a lower cost.

I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advertising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in daily living and give more information about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
that in-demand to the industry.

Giving promo or discounts to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
will encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
especially
when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
and how it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to their daily living. Purchasing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
amount of money is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
decision
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
If the text is a generality, ‘of the’ is not necessary.
some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
are the same on how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is not the same prices.
For example
, is advertising a vacuum cleaner, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
be attracted
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of affordable
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
price and
it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their work
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
easy and
they will not waste their time too much, compared on using a bamboo broom, it is not easy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
.

Another
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
thing about advertising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
be saved
more
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
money and
it is convenient to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
.
Instead
, they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
it at a higher
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
cost and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a discount, which is a lower amount compared to the real price.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
gain additional knowledge about new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
. It will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
every day and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can learn about new invention in the world.

In conclusion
, advertising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
‘Everyday’ is an adjective. Did you mean “every day”?
everyday
. They can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
in lower
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
cost and
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
information about them.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
they consume their money on buying expensive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
which is the same on the advertisements.
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IELTS essay Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
274 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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