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Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with?

Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with? pkY9
Technology is helping companies to explore different ways to approach people and offer them the products which they really need. I strongly agree that advertisements are giving us more information about the products which can make our lives more easier and it can help us to buy wisely. Corporates are collecting customer's data and then using machine learning to explore their buying behaviour. It is helping to do a targeted advertisements using a digital platform to reach potential buyer's for the product. For example, Amazon is helping customer to find the product by auto suggestion and popping up the information for which they are really looking for. Consumers are generally happy with the details as they don't need to put more efforts to find the outcome. Digital marketing is helping sellers to find the relevant market. They can prepare the sales pitch for the clients with the higher probability to convert into an actual bargain. Although it is not easy as you need to keep pushing more related bulletins to feed more depth about the domain topic. Eventually a person will be educated enough to take a call and move into a bargain. For example, a person looking for smart phone may need to understand about the battery timings and camera before deciding which phone is good for him. In conclusion, advertisements is the best way to communicate about the new innovation which may help to improve the life style of an individual or communities. We are getting bulletins for the products according to our likings to excite us more.
Technology is helping
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
to explore
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ways to approach
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and offer them the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
which they
really
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that advertisements are giving us more information about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
Use only "easier" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more easier
and it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
wisely
.

Possible spelling mistake found.
Corporates
are collecting customer's data and then using machine learning to explore their buying
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
. It is helping to do a targeted
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "advertisement"?
advertisements
using a digital platform to reach potential buyer's for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
.
For example
, Amazon is helping customer to find the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
by
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
auto suggestion
and popping up the information for which they are
really
looking for. Consumers are
generally
happy with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
as they don't
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to put more efforts to find the outcome.

Digital marketing is helping sellers to find the relevant market. They can prepare the sales pitch for the clients with the higher probability to convert into an actual bargain.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
it is not easy as you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
pushing more related bulletins to feed more depth about the domain topic.
Eventually
a person will
be educated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to take a call and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
into a bargain.
For example
, a person looking for smart phone may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to understand about the battery timings and camera
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
deciding which phone is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for him.

In conclusion
, advertisements is the best way to communicate about the new innovation which may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the life style of an individual or communities. We are getting bulletins for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
according to our
Possible spelling mistake found.
likings
to excite us more.

IELTS essay Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
260 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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