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Many offenders commit more crimes after serving their first punishment. Why is this happening and what measures can be taken to solve this problem?

Many offenders commit more crimes after serving their first punishment. Why is this happening and what measures can be taken to solve this problem? k9DM
A number of criminals reoffend after they have completed their penalty and released from prison. The main reasons are due to lack of job opportunity and minimal deterrent effect of the penalty. Several measures are able to tackle this issue from government by offering training and using watching wrist band. One of the causes of committing crime again can be attributed to the difficulty to find a job. Although criminals have rehabilitated, discrimination still exists. For instance, employers will carry out background check and hence they are reluctant to take risk to hire a potential offender. As a result, without income source, criminal will rather become a repeat offender instead. In addition, the punishment applied to the criminal has limited effect. They have gained experience and learnt more skill from other criminals during prison time. They will plan carefully and gather with other groups of criminals to organize a crime again. To combat this issue, government plays an important role to decrease the crime rate. Firstly, government can provide vocational training to support criminals. Learning some basic computer skill and knowledge of prevalent industries such as cooking, building and construction are examples to help criminals to find a job in which they can also integrate back to society easily. Moreover, watching wrist band can be introduced to request offenders to wear it mandatory until they behave well for a period of time. The aim is to deter them to commit crime again as their daily routes are monitored. Other criminals will not contact them as well to avoid the exposure of their illegal activities. In conclusion, first time offenders re-commit crime again is mainly because of unemployment and limited impact from the punishment. Government can solve the problem by introducing measures of offering training and imposing watching wrist band to offenders.
A number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
Possible spelling mistake found.
reoffend
after they have completed their penalty and released from prison. The main reasons are due to lack of job opportunity and minimal deterrent effect of the penalty. Several measures are able to tackle this issue from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
by offering training and using watching wrist band.

One of the causes of committing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
again can
be attributed
to the difficulty to find a job. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
have rehabilitated, discrimination
still
exists.
For instance
, employers will carry out background
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
and
hence
they are reluctant to take
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
to hire a potential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offender
.
As a result
, without income source,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
will
rather
become a repeat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offender
instead
.
In addition
, the punishment applied to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
has limited effect. They have gained experience and
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
from other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
during prison time. They will plan
carefully
and gather with other groups of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
to organize a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
again.

To combat this issue,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role to decrease the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can provide vocational training to support
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
. Learning
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
basic computer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
and knowledge of prevalent industries such as cooking, building and construction are examples to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
to find a job in which they can
also
integrate back to society
easily
.
Moreover
, watching wrist band can
be introduced
to request
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offenders
to wear it mandatory until they behave well for a period of time. The aim is to deter them to commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
again as their daily routes
are monitored
. Other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
will not contact them
as well
to avoid the exposure of their illegal activities.

In conclusion
,
first
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offenders
re-commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
again is
mainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of unemployment and limited impact from the punishment.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
can solve the problem by introducing measures of offering training and imposing watching wrist band to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offenders
.

IELTS essay Many offenders commit more crimes after serving their first punishment. Why is this happening and what measures can be taken to solve this problem?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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