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Some say that it would be better if the majority of employees worked from home instead of travelling to a workplace everyday.Do you think the advantages of working from home outweigh the disadvantages ?

Some say that it would be better if the majority of employees worked from home instead of travelling to a workplace everyday. Do you think the advantages of working from home outweigh the disadvantages? kog8
It is said that working from home of a bulk of workforce is much better than regular journey to workplace. In spite of some disadvantages of this circumstance, I strongly believe that advantages have a potential to dominate the disadvantages. First of all, particulary in the companies, working from home - being remoted from the directors amd workplace may emerge spontaneously in order to be aware of capacity of every employee. In addition, in this circumstances, they constantly face up to the challenges to check their employees' own knowledge, assess them and also control their roles in the workplace. For instance, in the region of 30 % companies in the world have suffered from the crisis caused by wrong roles in the workplace. Secondly, I hold the belief that the advantages of working from home is able to outweigh its disadvantages. Most workers who perform given tasks at home claim that majority of projects is always done online as well as the projects of most developed companies, which require stable internet connection from their employee, are computerised nowadays. It can increase the quality of projects in order to keep up with global trend and be time-saving in all companies which prefer working from home reach a peak at their outcomes annually. In conclusion, working from home can be a main contributor either to promote the companies or to get long-term job for the employees. Thus, I strictly recommend to all companies to choose the former working style rahter than travelling to workplace.
It
is said
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
from home of a bulk of workforce is much better than regular journey to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workplace
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages of this circumstance, I
strongly
believe that advantages have a potential to dominate the disadvantages.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
particulary
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
from home
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
being remoted
from the directors
Possible spelling mistake found.
amd
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workplace
may emerge
spontaneously
in order to be aware of capacity of every employee.
In addition
, in
Did you mean "these"?
this
circumstances, they
constantly
face up to the challenges to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
their employees'
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
knowledge, assess them and
also
control their roles in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workplace
.
For instance
, in the region of 30 %
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
in the world have suffered from the crisis caused by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
roles in the workplace.

Secondly
, I hold the belief that the advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
from home is able to outweigh its disadvantages. Most workers who perform
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
tasks at home claim that majority of projects is always done online
as well
as the projects of most developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
, which require stable internet connection from their employee, are
Possible spelling mistake. 'computerised' is British English.
computerised
nowadays. It can increase the quality of projects in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
up with global trend and be time-saving in all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
which prefer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
from home reach a peak at their outcomes
annually
.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
from home can be a main contributor either to promote the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
or to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
long-term job for the employees.
Thus
, I
strictly
recommend to all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
to choose the former
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
style
Possible spelling mistake found.
rahter
than travelling to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workplace
.

IELTS essay Some say that it would be better if the majority of employees worked from home instead of travelling to a workplace everyday. Do you think the advantages of working from home outweigh the disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
252 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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