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Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with?

Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with? D5jA
Before I start I should mention that I agree with both views in concept; both have strong reasons. Advertising is becoming very handy for the market. For example the small businesses can take so much of it; it helps them to introduce their product to the people. But some say that it's an advantage for big companies because they have more resources and can pay more for their advertises so in the end one similar product from both small and big companies cannot be shown fairly. This may cause small businesses problems like small profits and in some cases it can makes go out of business. On the other hand, advertising is good for showing new products. For example no one would've never found out about computers if it wasn't for the advertising on tv or radio. No one would've found out about gold, diamond and even pen. So it shows that advertising is a must for our current world but with some changes it can help small businesses too. For example the costs could be less for small bussiness than the big ones. But the performance can be the same. So as the conclusion, I think advertising is necessary these days. A perfect system can be obtained fairly to help every one of the businesses get an equal advertisment so that their products can be viewed equally by the people so that people could choose the best one out of them. This was my personal point of view and I hope this gets more attention than I expect.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
I should mention that I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with both views in concept; both have strong reasons.

Advertising is becoming
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
handy for the market.
For example
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
can take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much of it; it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to introduce their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
say that it's an advantage for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have more resources and can pay more for their advertises
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
one similar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
from both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
cannot
be shown
fairly
. This may cause
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
problems like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
profits and in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases it can
The verb 'can' requires the base form of the verb: "make"
makes
go out of business.

On the other hand
, advertising is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for showing new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
.
For example
no one would've never found out about computers if it wasn't for the advertising on
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
or radio. No one would've found out about gold, diamond and even pen.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that advertising is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
for our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
too.

For example
the costs could be less for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
Possible spelling mistake found.
bussiness
than the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
ones.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
the performance can be the same.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
as the conclusion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
advertising is necessary these days. A perfect system can
be obtained
fairly
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
every one of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an equal
Possible spelling mistake found.
advertisment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
can
be viewed
equally
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
could choose the best one out of them. This was my personal point of view and I hope this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
more attention than I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
.

IELTS essay Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with?

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
259 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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