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Some People Say Television Is Useful In Education, While Others Say It Is Useful Only For Entertainment v.1

Some People Say Television Is Useful In Education, While Others Say It Is Useful Only For Entertainment v. 1
Although television channels today telecast many educational shows most of these programmes are targeted at mature people and not children. Most of the children watch TV to see their favourite cartoon characters. Therefore, I disagree with the argument that children must be encouraged to use television as an educational tool for their studies. Because many informative channels such as Discovery, Animal Planet, BBC, and many more are available to watch, it does not guarantee that children will gain knowledge by watching them. In fact, kids are smarter these days and if they are granted permission to view TV they will watch programmes that they like. For instance, children are addicted to cartoons and if they are not under parent’s supervision, they will watch only cartoons and sports channels, and not the channels they were are supposed to watch. Children consider a television as an entertainment device and not as an educational tool. So, it is not advisable to encourage children to watch TV. Secondly, when kids watch TV for long hours, it puts strain on their eyes. For instance, a cousin of mine who is ten years old used to spend around eight hours a day watching TV and playing video games. Today at this young age he suffers from frequent headaches and is forced to wear glasses. That is the reason doctors advise parents to restrict the amount of time children can spend watching TV. To conclude there are channels that provide information and knowledge, but these are more beneficial for adults than kids. Children must learn using the traditional methods of learning. They can also use tools like computers and the internet, but not television because to the best of my understanding it is not an efficient educational tool.
Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
channels
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
telecast
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
most of these
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
are targeted
at mature
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
TV to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
cartoon characters.
Therefore
, I disagree with the argument that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be encouraged
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
as an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tool
for their studies.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
informative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
channels
such as Discovery, Animal Planet, BBC, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more are available to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
, it does not guarantee that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will gain knowledge by watching them. In fact, kids are smarter these days and if they
are granted
permission to view TV they will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
that they like.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are addicted
to cartoons and if they are not under parent’s supervision, they will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
cartoons and sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
channels
, and not the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
channels
they were
are supposed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
consider a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
as an entertainment device and not as an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tool
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it is not advisable to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
TV.

Secondly
, when kids
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
TV for long hours, it puts strain on their eyes.
For instance
, a cousin of mine who is ten years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to spend around eight hours a day watching TV and playing video games.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
at this young age he suffers from frequent headaches and
is forced
to wear glasses.
That is
the reason doctors advise parents to restrict the amount of time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can spend watching TV.

To conclude
there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
channels
that provide information and knowledge,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
these are more beneficial for adults than kids.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
learn
If 'learn' is used as a verb, it usually requires the infinitive: "to use".
using
the traditional methods of learning. They can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tools
like computers and the internet,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
to the best of my understanding it is not an efficient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tool
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some People Say Television Is Useful In Education, While Others Say It Is Useful Only For Entertainment v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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