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Some people say Technology is important. To what extent do you agree?

Some people say Technology is important. DlwE7
The world has advanced quite a lot in technologies. Everyday newer and newer technologies are coming into market causing existing on obselete. I believe technology is important for advancement of world with application in almost any field. Firstly, the invention of various gadgets has improvised operations in most of the fields, conducting most of the complex procedures involving risk and time, thereby improving the quality of work. For example the automation in contructions and production has changed the way of working. the Current rate of production in a plant can be estimated to twice or thrice compared to plant production twenty years ago. Secondly, technological advancement in medical sector has greatly benifitted the mankind to a very great extent. Diagnosis of most of the disease has become possible even at a very early stage. User friendly health devices are helping people keep a check on health. For example, the smart watch invention has made it userfriendly to measure heartbeat, BP and even the level of oxygen in blood in just some clicks. Finally, Technology has largely transformed the way of working in most of the fields. The convenice and the security working anywhere is possible without any problems. For example the covid-19 has forced most of the people to work from home. It was the advance technology which made it possible to work without compromising the quality and quantity of work. Neverthless, Advancement of technololgy has created a very big issue among the masses which was not present earlier, Health complication. Most of work are sitting in front of the laptop which has caused this problem, Nowdays even children are getting addicted to mobiles and gaming effecting their health and even their mentality. Conversly these situation can be avoided by keeping a strict control over usage of technical gadget and balance life with some outdoor activities. To conclude, technology is a part of life and will be in future but a balance and control in usage will lead to a life with comfort and advancement in all aspects.
The world has advanced quite a lot in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
. Everyday newer and newer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
are coming into market causing existing on
Possible spelling mistake found.
obselete
. I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advancement
of world with application in almost any field.

Firstly
, the invention of various gadgets has improvised operations in most of the fields, conducting most of the complex procedures involving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
and time, thereby improving the quality of work.

For example
the automation in
Possible spelling mistake found.
contructions
and production has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the way of working.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Current
rate of production in a plant can
be estimated
to twice or thrice compared to plant production twenty years ago.

Secondly
, technological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advancement
in medical sector has
greatly
Possible spelling mistake found.
benifitted
the mankind to a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
great extent. Diagnosis of most of the disease has become possible even at a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
early stage.
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
User friendly
health devices are helping
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
on health.

For example
, the smart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
invention has made it
Possible spelling mistake found.
userfriendly
to measure heartbeat, BP and even the level of oxygen in blood in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
clicks.

Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
has
largely
transformed the way of working in most of the fields. The
Possible spelling mistake found.
convenice
and the security working anywhere is possible without any problems.
For example
the
Did you mean "COVID-19" or the alternative spelling "Covid-19" (= coronavirus)?
covid-19
has forced most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to work from home. It was the advance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
which made it possible to work without compromising the quality and quantity of work.

Possible spelling mistake found.
Neverthless
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Advancement
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
technololgy
has created a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
issue among the masses which was not present earlier, Health complication.
Consider using "Most work" or "Most of the work".
Most of work
are sitting in front of the laptop which has caused this problem,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Nowdays
even children are getting addicted to mobiles and gaming effecting their health and even their mentality.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Conversly
Did you mean "this situation" or "these situations"?
these situation
can
be avoided
by keeping a strict control over usage of technical gadget and balance life with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
outdoor activities.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is a part of life and will be in future
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a balance and control in usage will lead to a life with comfort and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advancement
in all aspects.
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IELTS essay Some people say Technology is important.

Essay
  American English
8 paragraphs
338 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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