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some people say music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion.

some people say music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. with this opinion. bMmY
Everyone knows music. It has a lot of purpose. Such as entertainment, education, and much more. There are a lot of genre available, namely jazz, pop, rock, and et cetera. People who do music for a living is called musician. They can make a living by performing or producing songs to be enjoyed by a lot of people in the music community. The music community consist from every background, from the youngest to oldest, and from businessmen to even housewives. With so many people in the community who has the same interest. Music is becoming one of the tools that will bring people from around the world without any requirement needed. Especially with technology nowadays, it is easier for people to shared their knowledge and their unique culture in music. Awareness is needed when it comes to cultures. Some people are easily attracted to other people culture and resulting them in forgetting their own culture. If awareness is not developed by themselves, It will lead to an identity crisis and an extinction of a culture. If we embrace our own culture and make music out of it with a little bit of mix and match with today's era music. We can make a lot of profit and it will bring more people to the community. A lot of people in the community is equal with a lot of knowledge we can get. In my opinion, music is one of the many ways to bring people from different background for people to live in peace and harmony. Inadvertently, we will also learn about diversity and love.
Everyone knows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. It has a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of purpose. Such as entertainment, education, and much more. There are a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of genre available,
namely
jazz, pop, rock, and
Possible spelling mistake found.
et cetera
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
who do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
for a living
is called
musician. They can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a living by performing or producing songs to
be enjoyed
by a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
consist from every background, from the youngest to oldest, and from businessmen to even housewives. With
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
who has the same interest.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
is becoming one of the tools that will bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from around the world without any requirement needed.
Especially
with technology nowadays, it is easier for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to shared their knowledge and their unique
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
in music.

Awareness
is needed
when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
easily
attracted to other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and resulting them in forgetting their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
. If awareness is not developed by themselves, It will lead to an identity crisis and an extinction of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
. If we embrace our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
out of it with a
Reduce redundancy by using "little" or "bit".
little bit
of mix and match with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's era
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. We can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of profit and it will bring more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
is equal with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of knowledge we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
.

In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is one of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways to bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
background for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in peace and harmony.
Inadvertently
, we will
also
learn about diversity and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
.
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IELTS essay some people say music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. with this opinion.

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
265 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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